Friends

Have you ever really put so much effort in someone's life and yet you get nothing in the end of the day?

In my whole life, I've been seriously investing my time and effort in their life. Time + Money + Effort = Nothing. It's really hurt to found out that the person you love and care for show no sign of understanding to it. The feeling sucks.

Relationship is really what I heavily look upon, with my parents, my friends, my relatives and my partner. It's just part of me to care about them. But sometimes, things just doesn't work out the way that we wanted or we planned for, and it's very upset to see that people come and people go. Those who I used to be with is living me 1 by 1. Used to be very closed, in the end we walk side by side as a stranger.

Just for the sake of relationship, I'm always prepare to bow down my head just to say "I'm Sorry" even I'm not at fault. I don't hold grudge as it kills me slowly deep inside. I've done what I can for this matter, how will it turn out? I don't know, and it's all up to them.

I'm sitting here all alone, thinking again and again to find out what's my fault leading to this. All I ever wanted is just someone sit beside me, listen to me, hear me talk my heart, hug me, kiss me, understands me and softly whisper "I Love You" to me. Is it really that hard?

I'm almost on the verge of giving up, my vision is blur and my heart is numb. I can barely think what am I doing this for. Only God knows why, only He know how I feel.

But in the end, I will still stay beside you if you would open up your heart for me, just a small space will do.

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Today is my mom's 56 birthday, sorry for not being able to travel back to Ipoh just to celebrate her birthday. Perhaps when I really get my car, I could give her a surprise by driving back reaching at 12am just to celebrate for her.

Looking back at all those years that my relationship with her, really give me a big shocked, how our relationship was. Fighting, arguing and the most of all, I hated her so much for being a joke in my life. I started of hating her ever since turning to secondary, blaming her for how much she didn't spend time with me. Anger at her why always complain and scold me. I even wrote a diary on 'How Much I Hate You, MOM!' I was completely out of my mind.

If wasn't the day that both of us burst of scolding and yelling at each other faces, we won't be that close today. Trust me, it was dramatic! Just like scene that you saw on movie, yelling at each other, scolding each other, telling her how much I hate her, and she yell at me how regretful for having me as a son.

Wrap it up, now we are closer than ever, and I seriously love her so much. I finally understand the pain and suffering that she went through when my father was not around. Single handed to raise 3 monkeys that is rebellious. I solute her to do so, everyone around her called her as Superwoman. To be serious, if I have to do so, I don't think I have the courage to do all these by myself.

I learnt that we have to see a bigger picture in our live. Chinese culture are conservative and we tend to put our emotions aside and play cool all the time. I though that my parents never love me, and I'm a constant joke to them.

Lucky and blessed I am to found out the truth. Mommy have a blessed birthday and year ahead, I love you!

Dear heavenly Father,
I uphold my mom and family into mighty hands, it's alright that they are not Christian as they are blinded by the truth. I will still keep them in prayers. I give thanks for putting me in this family and learning the truth. Having such a lovely mother is the best thing in life. My mom is getting older and older as year pass by, her sight is getting weaker, her back is aching, and she certainly can't work for longer hours to support the family. I pray that God open up the windows of blessing upon her for my sake. Keeping her health and safe. Speak to her through me, the way I live my life. Bonding her relationship with my father again. Let them overcome their sins and temptation. In all your ways, send Your guardian angel to look after her. I uphold her into Your mighty hands. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Serving God is never convenient

My walk of Christianity have been more than 4 years and it's on going. I'm starting my fifth years soon. I met all sort of different thinking of Christianity which really drive me nuts as well as people that really impressed me.

I've been serving God for more than 3 years, CG has been a place for me to serve God through His people. Serving as a guitarist, game leader, leading warmth and also offering challenges. Serving in CG is the best moment for me because I'm doing something great for the Lord.

We can learn a lot of things by serving together with other members, I also heard a lot of excuses from other members telling me why they can't serve and etc.

"Serving God is from the heart, action not so important."

"God understands, just take a break."

"I'm not holy, let those holy people to serve."

"I'm not free"

More and more excuses that I heard from them trying to avoid serving.

Serving God is never convenient, if you are feeling comfortable with what you are doing, it means that it's about time for you to move on doing something greater for God. Can you imagine if God bless you only when He is free and convenient?

Which state are you in today? Pushing yourself to do something great for God or remain on your comfort zone, doing what you are good with? 

Coheed & Cambria, 1st Aug 2010

Just came back from Coheed & Cambria organized by Junk. 

The whole event was not bad except for those 'security'. They sucked, cause they do not understand that moshpit happens during the concert, they stopped every 1 of them. Besides that, everything is cool. Coheed threw an awesome show even though I'm not really a fan of theirs, but overall they are tight!

Here's some pictures that I took during the show. Not much and not clear quality. Just to share.

*Opening*

That's all the pictures that I took. Was standing the whole concert, Q-up, meet and greet and stuff for more than 5 hours. 1 heck of experience (worse than Lamb Of God), but still it's worth it.

Alone

Looking at people around me getting along.
And I'm single and alone.
Things just seem to be something missing.
Hate this feeling a lot.

I can't recall the feeling of dating, or courtship.
It seems that girls that I interested end up not available.
I guess that it's just not the right time and right one for me.
So when will it be? I have no idea.

I'm not very desperate for relationship.
But I wanted care and sharing feelings to.
Am I ready? Well I just hope that start of with just friends.
I have no girls that wanted to do so.

Alone, alone and alone.
Guess that's how the way it should be.
Perhaps career is my the only things I've to pay attention.
Sigh~

Assignments~

Lots and lots of assignment this semester
It's getting heavy and heavy each semester
It used to be 1 assignment per subject
Now 5-6 assignment some certain subject
We have enough time for it
But need to work very hard
Not by just myself as well as other members

Still have 2-3 assignment yet to be done
Some not even started to discuss
All those due dates are at the end of week 13
And now week 9
4 more weeks to go
Can I finish it up?
Of cause I can and I must!

真的是得空死，不得病。

Life is like a coin.

Life is like a coin, there are 2 sides on it. Head and tail. Which 1 would you prefer? Head or tail? But you must realize that it's still a coin.

Same to our life, we got problems, issues in our life that get our head spinning around and around. We tend to look at it as a problem that is too big for us to bear, we cried, we depressed and finally we gave up on it. We neglected the other side of the issue. No matter how bad is the situation, forever there are a good side of it that keep us moving on.

Lately I have some issue with myself, I look into it and found out that what I wanted and it turns out to be the other way round. I invested time, money and effort hoping it will bear forth fruit like what I planned. It turn out to be a seed that still 'asleep'. I tried and I tried but nothing seems to be change, it remain sleeping.

I was upset why it never grow up as according to what I planned, I was depressed too. But then again, my friends told me about it and I tried to look in a different way, to my surprised, I found out that it's the way I look at it is wrong and I can't force the seed to bear forth fruit in the wrong time. It needs time, the right time to flourish!

What I learnt today, problems is not that bad if you look in a different way, never say never. Before you judge and comment on something or someone, make sure what is the truth. Never speak out of anger and resentment, holding grudge will not help you but it hurts you even deep. Understand why the person thinks how he/she think, if it's wrong then try to talk to them. Never force them to change even it's the best for them. Let go of the string that you attached to them, allow them walk themselves even they might fall. In due time, they will learn. Stand beside with them when they fall, pull them up and walk with them again.

Overcomer or Surrender?

Positive or Negative?

Transform or Conform?

Head or Tail?

Light or Dark?