Maturity

The road is tough, I crashed and burned, slowly i'm trying to get up to my feet again to walk and take time to heal and recover from it, but without failure problems will always pop up and attack me again and again.

It has been months and months, you are doing things that you like and what you want. But what you want from me? You have been scolding me (although you say you are not), sending messages to me with harsh words and sentences saying that I deserve it. Months and months have passed yet you have not let me go in peace.

Relationship got no wrong or right, once done is done, I've been tolerating with you and words again and again, but you have not realize that you are repeating it again and again. You have already find a partner, do whatever you want with me but leave me out of everything.

Once you said, although break up, but still can remain friends, still can go out as usual but just pure friends. But now you are doing exactly what contradicting to your words. Since that day till now, I never spoke a word, and just accept every scolding and sabotage from you which you think I deserve it.

How can I get out of this immature one sided fight? What should I say to stop what you are trying to do? How should I show you that you are making things worse?

I'm very disappointed and sad. I'm being ignorant because to avoid all the conflict. This is the thing that you will never understand.

Why is it so?

This few days really have been a very tiring and hectic week for me, rushing for assignments, busy preparing for mid term exams, and also presentation. But my real problem is not studies, still can manage it even assignments need to redo again.

Emotional challenge, a lot of things I really wish that I never started because of all the troubles and confrontations. I'm seriously very tired because issues are repeating again and again. Looking at things that it's not pleasuring to me, I wish that I could turn back time and don't act like a kid and stupid enough to do decision without thinking properly.

But what's the point of talking about it since it's already over?

If the person is happy over the life he/she is having right now, why still bother about others? I tend to put things out of sight out of mind, it do works but not for too long, because when he/she comes back to me talking about it things just repeat again.

To *Person I'm talking about*,

Everything seems so fine,

But I do not know is it true or a lie,

I'm not bragging or complaining,

I'm just releasing my emotions,

When I stop talking,

I'm not running away,

When I stop thinking,

I'm just taking a break,

I do things on my own way,

Don't change me to what you want,

I need support and respect,

Not problem and nag.

Friends?

Is it that hard to have a true friend?

I know male and female are different in many terms, preference, hobby, attitude, personality and so on, but what this is really weird. Aren't true friends suppose to correct each other, confront when someone did wrong? But why always it turn out this way?

I seriously don't understand bout it, what happened today it's not misunderstanding, it's merely childish. I'm hated for not being supportive? I was backing her up all the time regardless good or bad, this is what I do for a true friend, at least I think it's a right decision.

Why am I always the one to blame when bad things happen? Everyone point their fingers at me just put the blame on me that's all. And it turns out that I always just take the blame quietly. I don't mind saying sorry to someone even I'm not wrong for the sake of friendships and relationship. Seriously, I don't.

This is not the 1st time, those who know what's going on, I can tell you, in this short period of half a year, too much of argument and damage have been done, but to me, true friendship will quarrel for sure, even fight! But once it's over, shake my hands and I'll be happy to call you as friend. Perhaps it's only applicable to me.

Why after argument never once say out "Alright, it's over, let's get over it, friends?" Am I hoping too much from her? 

I don't know what excuses can I find to make myself feel better about it. Small issue can get her yelling at me and so pissed off just drop me that look. Why? It's just a small issue, I can understand that everyone have their own problems, but leave the innocent person out of your problems, don't release your tantrum on them. Sigh.

If you can't accept and change your behavior I guess that's all for this so called "true friendship", it's because you just don't appreciate it.

*Note: If I'm the cause issues, I won't be having true friends now as you can see.

真的那么差吗？

我觉得很无聊所以在这些下我的心情。我最近觉得心情满怪怪的，我有满多的功课因该很忙，可是我有很多多余时间。

这几天我想了满多事情，有些人说我有怀脾气，很容易生气，还有小气，其实我并没那样，我很随和。那天在她车上她说的事真的很伤我的心，事情都一段日子了，她也有自己的新生活她说男朋友很照顾和爱她，因该很开心，可是为什么要对我那些伤我心的话？

我人品没那么糟糕吧？虽然吵架，大家有不同的意见是很平常，可是需要时间去了解对方。我不喜欢和她讨论是因为每一次都是她有道理。我觉得满辛苦面对她。

当然感情上是有开心的时候，五年了，时间过得很快。令我最不能忘记的事情有很多，生日派对，TIOMAN岛，JOGOYA，还有很多很多。虽然一切变成过去，可是也算一场很值得的回忆。如果未来我有陪伴也无法忘记这些回忆。

可能她还会觉得我生气她，可是如果她好好跟我谈天，不要每天教训我，不成情侣也能成为好朋友的。期望如此吧。

Say Goodbye To Those Days...

Back then, I never thought I would found a cool friend like you, younger than me and also do all sort of crazy stuff like me, and the most important thing is we are both metalheads. I was saying it to myself that what a great 3 years ahead of me. Then I found another 2 close friends, and then we get together real fast as a group. Spending our time together eat and class. I was deeply touched and secure of the strong relationship that we had.

We have so much time together for assignments, lectures, tutorials, church, cell groups and lepak time. We really talk a lot about life, studies, future, spiritual growth and also relationships. Cut it short, you and I know each others issues, our taboos and also personal stories.

I always remind you again and again that I treat you very different from the others because I take you as my own little sister and I make it clear to you by my actions. It's not that easy for me to accept some strangers into my life that I called them to be part of my family. But congrats, you have made it through. Everytime without failure, I will always reminding you, that's what friends are for, it's alright you still have me to back you up, I care you that's why I tell you this, etc..

I really can't find a word to express it out how much it hurts when this happens on me. I can't get this image out of my head, that you turn your back on me, laugh and speak to a bunch of people that you never intended to make friends with, move your sit in front just to avoid sitting with me, saying 'shit' when tutor put us together in an exercise group. I'm not angry, but merely disappointed. Not at you but me, I've deeply failed my task.

I can't even make you to stay with me as a friend. I always tell myself to get my hands of all your issues everytime I rejected by you, but still I can't do it because I've already inpart this friendship into my heart. You may think I'm busy body, or it's non of my business to care about your problems, but that's what friends suppose to be. At least it applies to me.

The moment when I treasure about this friendship it just breaks off. How much more pains and disappointment that I could bear? I have no idea. I wish everything will just turn out fine. I hope after I wake up tomorrow we will sit together at our most common mamak stall, having your teh O ais and my nasi lemak while waiting for Chelsea then we just head to class. Talking crap and music and the latest updates on our favourite metal bands.

But I guess all this will not happen again as you've already make your decision. You may be asking what's the point and message I'm trying to deliever to you, my answer is I GOT NO IDEA. I'm just trying to express my feelings.

Losing this friendship to me is just like losing a family member. Since you are looking around and mixing around with new friends, I hope that they do a much better job compare to me, and I wish you all the best that you will find someone that can look after you and best of luck in Kampar. Life will not be the same again. Best of luck. I guess that's the end of the line.

-R.I.P-

Ipoh Trip with Friends. -day 2-

Day 2

We planned to wake up by 6am to get our "Dim Sum" but end up we wake up around 10! So still good that we get our "Dim Sum" at that time, and the food is still nice! Too bad, Chelsea didn't enjoy the food *again* because of gastric.

Right after our breakfast, we run to Kellie's Castle!

(Kellie's Castle)

Though I've been in Ipoh for more than 22 years yet this is my 1st time there!

(It's nice isn't it?)

(BEAR TREE???)

(Look like bear isn't it?)

(Those were the days)

(It's me against the world)

(This is some real dark pic!)

(Aww... lovely isn't it?)

(They are not couple, just for the sake of ART!)

(Scolded by Penny & I. Cal is doing a bad job!)

(Looking down from 5th floor! Not suicide!)

Well, there are many pics missing! But I'll try to update it! After Kellie's castle trip then we on the the way to Cameron Highlands Spontaneously! But when we reach there it's 4.30, and the actually close at that time! So cut the story short, we drive there for more than 3 hours back and fourth for nothing! NOTHING! But still it's a nice trip! At night reach Ipoh again it was 8pm, then we went for "Nga Choi Kai" not the typical "Lou Wong Nga Choi Kai" but the other stall.

After that we decided to buy snacks and chocolate from TESCO for our little suppper party! That was our day 2!

Ipoh Trip with Friends! -day 1-

Finally after weeks, I get to go back to Ipoh but this time with the girls (Penny, Joey, Chelsea). It was crazy trip, and many things happen along the way!

(Chelsea & Joey camwhore as usual)

(Asked to pose by Joey)

(Same thing by Joey)

(And so, we are hungry on the way, so we get some Dunkin' Donuts)

(When we reach Ipoh, we went Calvin's house!)

(We lepak at Cal's house for jamming session)

(Our 1st dinner! Low Shu Fun!)

(Look at the way Cal eat it)

During the dinner Chelsea can't really have her dinner properly because of serious GASTRIC, and she doesn't eat any chicken anymore after watching "The Unbelievable". The way the chicken was torn apart by some BOMOH! Well after the dinner we went home to get some rest because everyone was tired after rushing back from KL. So basically it was the 1st day, kinda nothing to do, but it's still cool!

Happy Birthday Dude!

Wassup Bro! It's 4th of Oct! That's adding another year to your life! 22 this year, at this age, you are suppose to get married! Lol!

It's been awhile, the last time we met was back at CNY, so it's half a year back, quite a long time, but I know it was a great time because Calvin was back too! Spending time at mamak and that's our CNY, oh my god!

Anyway, we are still waiting for you to come back, Blinded Truth still dead, faster buckle up, we are going to kick a**!

So happy birthday again! May you shower by blessings!

Words - Part 2

Talk to my roommate. Found out is 1 of em talking bad about me. So this explains why and what he wrote on his post on MSN stating: "Didn't he teach his follower to respect others". How great is this insultation could it be. No matter what happen you aren't suppose to drag other people's religion into the conversation and pay no respect to it.

The definition of "Friends":

- Care for each other.
- Be a supporter.
- Be there when needed.
- Always willing to help.
- Cry and laugh together.
- Never back stab.
- Always stand by to back up.
- etc...

To be serious, I didn't see what he did was mention as above. NONE. But what's the most funny part of the whole thing is, I still treat him as a FRIEND.

Words!

I don't understand, knowing each other as friends and study together for more than 3 years. End up someone come and tell me what they talk about me behind my back! I like to make friends with everyone to be frank, I don't mind he/she clever or stupid, tall or short, handsome or pretty, whatever is it, he/she will be my friend as long they treat me as theirs.

So this is what I heard:

1. So happy that you guys not together.

2. Always occupied the living room. (You guys play mahjong there too!)

3. So noisy. (You guys were the same yet I didn't complain!)

4. Never do housework. (Like you guys did.)

5. Glad that he is moving.

6. No manners, polite and friendly.

So let me answer all of your problem, 1 by 1!

1st, my relationship got nothing to do with you guys!

2nd, I didn't occupied, i sit at the corner and you guys do play mahjong there.

3rd, noisy because I play guitar, but did you ever think of yourself when you bring your friends over to the house and chat and laugh in the living room so loud yet I didn't ever complain?

4th, I do my housework you guys was not there. And for your info, the duty roaster states that anyone who did not do it will have to fine RM5 per once. I got it few times for you guys but when you guys didn't do it, nothing ever happens.

5th, I'm moving is because I need to travel far to school, not because of relationship problem. THANK YOU!

6th, No manners? Not polite? Not friendly? Ask yourself this, when you saw me, I didn't say "Hi" is it possible that I didn't saw you? Why must wait for me to say "Hi" where you could take up the 1st step?

Think twice before you speak into someone's life! Everyone have their limits. Don't ever come to me laugh and smile in front of me and go backstab the next second. You'll get yourself in trouble very soon. Mark my words.