我觉得很无聊所以在这些下我的心情。我最近觉得心情满怪怪的，我有满多的功课因该很忙，可是我有很多多余时间。
这几天我想了满多事情，有些人说我有怀脾气，很容易生气，还有小气，其实我并没那样，我很随和。那天在她车上她说的事真的很伤我的心，事情都一段日子了，她也有自己的新生活她说男朋友很照顾和爱她，因该很开心，可是为什么要对我那些伤我心的话？
我人品没那么糟糕吧？虽然吵架，大家有不同的意见是很平常，可是需要时间去了解对方。我不喜欢和她讨论是因为每一次都是她有道理。我觉得满辛苦面对她。
当然感情上是有开心的时候，五年了，时间过得很快。令我最不能忘记的事情有很多，生日派对，TIOMAN岛，JOGOYA，还有很多很多。虽然一切变成过去，可是也算一场很值得的回忆。如果未来我有陪伴也无法忘记这些回忆。
可能她还会觉得我生气她，可是如果她好好跟我谈天，不要每天教训我，不成情侣也能成为好朋友的。期望如此吧。
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Dilemma
Humans are fascinating, we just can't make up our mind sometimes. Why and what do I mean? 1 solid example that proves it.
When we are still schooling, we always complain about studies. We want to get out of the place and start working and earning our 1st million dollar. Finally, we graduated and make our 1st step into the society, only we realize that how precious is our schooling moments. And hope to go back where we started, too bad, we can't.
Not just about education. A lot of things in our mind stuck and seems to be nowhere out. We just can't make up our mind!!
I hate "impossible" very much. This word always bug us and tell us what we can't do or achieve even you have the greatest dreams in the world. But because of it, we doubt, we struggle and we give up. Our mind always project the negative things that can happen to us all the time, we need to learn and control it. Telling ourselves that success is just around the corner, keep it up and work on it. Keep pressing on!
I have relatives, friends and family members who smokes, A LOT. They come and told me that they never wanted to smoke as smoking is very bad for their health and they can feel the effects on them. But still they smokes, and their reason is it's IMPOSSIBLE to quit smoking as I've smoke more than 10 years. Let me put this into another situation.
When I read the newspaper and found out that girls been raped and murdered, I'm angry and I wish they rot and burn in hell. I hate their action so much and I won't accept it into my life, I'll build up a strong solid wall against it.
Same goes to smoking. If you think you hate smoking, just stop smoking. If you aren't quiting it, you just not hate it enough to stop.
Anyway, people around me always complaining their life, work sucks, hate to study, and so much more. You got no idea how many people are struggling to live, not getting any education, and not employed lead to family destruction.
So stop complaining life is not fair, because life IS not fair! Jesus never gets a chance for fair treatment from mankind anyway, so live with it. Do what you really want to, live your life to the fullest, get yourself some buddies to share your ups and downs, control your thoughts and emotions. We only got 1 life for, a glorifying ones.
When we are still schooling, we always complain about studies. We want to get out of the place and start working and earning our 1st million dollar. Finally, we graduated and make our 1st step into the society, only we realize that how precious is our schooling moments. And hope to go back where we started, too bad, we can't.
Not just about education. A lot of things in our mind stuck and seems to be nowhere out. We just can't make up our mind!!
I hate "impossible" very much. This word always bug us and tell us what we can't do or achieve even you have the greatest dreams in the world. But because of it, we doubt, we struggle and we give up. Our mind always project the negative things that can happen to us all the time, we need to learn and control it. Telling ourselves that success is just around the corner, keep it up and work on it. Keep pressing on!
I have relatives, friends and family members who smokes, A LOT. They come and told me that they never wanted to smoke as smoking is very bad for their health and they can feel the effects on them. But still they smokes, and their reason is it's IMPOSSIBLE to quit smoking as I've smoke more than 10 years. Let me put this into another situation.
When I read the newspaper and found out that girls been raped and murdered, I'm angry and I wish they rot and burn in hell. I hate their action so much and I won't accept it into my life, I'll build up a strong solid wall against it.
Same goes to smoking. If you think you hate smoking, just stop smoking. If you aren't quiting it, you just not hate it enough to stop.
Anyway, people around me always complaining their life, work sucks, hate to study, and so much more. You got no idea how many people are struggling to live, not getting any education, and not employed lead to family destruction.
So stop complaining life is not fair, because life IS not fair! Jesus never gets a chance for fair treatment from mankind anyway, so live with it. Do what you really want to, live your life to the fullest, get yourself some buddies to share your ups and downs, control your thoughts and emotions. We only got 1 life for, a glorifying ones.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Dreams
Finally back to KL and start my Uni again. Classes here and there really hectic, what I like the most is radio broadcasting so far. The most fun and exciting subject, which you get to play with the mixer, consoles and recording randoms stuff.
But that's not the point. So just went to church and it was David Oh preaching for the day. I was kinda sloppy and hesitated to go to church mainly I was on9 for too long and late. End up the next day tired and sleepy, so I didn't really pay too much expectation for the day.
I'm was wrong, once the preaching starts, I was already blown away by his sermon! I will remember this statement for sure! If people around you don't know what's your passion, you don't have one. -David Oh- This immediately blown me off!
That statement proves that what and how you project yourself to others. I'm sure that I made it so clear to everyone what's my passion and dreams. The secret to achieve your dreams is not fully hard work and talent, one day, we will reach the dead end and that's the time we have to seek God's help. Impossible is the opportunity for God's work. When everything seems dead, buckle up and knowing God's help and miracle is on their way!
Praise report for this week! Few weeks ago, prayer meeting we prayed, and Liang prayed that Penny will be blessed by her parents with a new DLSR camera. To make it more precise it's NIKON D5000, and it came to pass! She'll be getting it next week! Wow! I'm happy for her! And there's an elder in the prayer meeting prayed for me too, that my studies and assignments will turn out find, passing with flying colors and open heaven on me, now I'm really really excited for it to come to pass.
Without faith, Christianity is nothing. The sick man have so much faith to just touch Jesus' clothing and then he will be cure from sickness and disease, and Jesus' turn to him and said 'Your faith had made you well'. Again, Faith is the answer.
I have dreams, I have goals and I have visions, I must keep the faith and finish the race. I don't pray for more strength to move on but faith to increase.
Remember, Destiny Is Not A Goal, It's A Journey.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Blaming Game
I did a lot of stupid stuff and mistakes in my life and I wish that I've never done it. But it's too late to stop or change it, what I can do is just to learn from my mistakes. Do not blame or point fingers on other people, instead analyse the situation and solve the problems.
But there are also certain people that will never admit on what they have said or done wrong. In fact, standing on his/her ground and to start finding reasons to blame.
I'm learning from mistakes but that's not enough, we need to apologize to the person (it's hard, especially for Chinese dudes like me). Love requires both parties' understanding, love, forgiveness, etc.. So if your partner trying to make a move to start a conversation after an arguement, just relax and solve the problems, do not hold grudge or resentment, it adds no benefit unto it.
In another word, please do not quarrel for the sake of quarreling, after all, what's the point of winning a fight yet losing your love ones.
I've took many years to understand the art of forgiveness and patience, to be frank, knowing it and doing it is very different. And I'm very far from achieving it, but I'll keep reminding myself of all the mistakes that have brought me here.
Without you, I won't understanding the importance of communication. If there is a medicine that can cure the blaming game, I would call it "C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N".
Friday, January 29, 2010
There will always be sun shine after the storm.
When things turn upside down, doesn't go the way you want, didn't meet our goals, the whole world turning against us, keep in mind, there will always be sun shine after the storm!
It's already few days over the dramas, when the least I expected, miracle happens. It's not by how good I can speak to a person but how sincere I'm towards them. My efforts paid off!
I always believe that friendship is something that we held on tight to our heart and it shall bear forth fruits! Even roses have torns, it's beautiful yet dangerous. Friendship is like a rose, when we 1st meet up and friendship just flourish and everything seems to be well, but without you knowing it, you'll get yourself hurt if accidentally touch its' torns.
Today, I experience the different side of friendship, did something that I never thought I would. Being honest, pouring out our feelings and talk to each other, nothing fishy or agenda but purely feelings, we made it clear that none of us take this friendship lightly.
What kept us wondering around in the wilderness which is the mind of conservative, especially Asians like us. Keeping our feelings and hiding it from everyone, trying to act like we are fine but we are not. Americans showed their love to their partner openly so that he/she knows about it. Why must Asians hide it? Is it something embarrassing?
I urge that we will all show the person we love and care how much they meant to us. Trust me, you'll encounter miracles!
It's already few days over the dramas, when the least I expected, miracle happens. It's not by how good I can speak to a person but how sincere I'm towards them. My efforts paid off!
I always believe that friendship is something that we held on tight to our heart and it shall bear forth fruits! Even roses have torns, it's beautiful yet dangerous. Friendship is like a rose, when we 1st meet up and friendship just flourish and everything seems to be well, but without you knowing it, you'll get yourself hurt if accidentally touch its' torns.
Today, I experience the different side of friendship, did something that I never thought I would. Being honest, pouring out our feelings and talk to each other, nothing fishy or agenda but purely feelings, we made it clear that none of us take this friendship lightly.
What kept us wondering around in the wilderness which is the mind of conservative, especially Asians like us. Keeping our feelings and hiding it from everyone, trying to act like we are fine but we are not. Americans showed their love to their partner openly so that he/she knows about it. Why must Asians hide it? Is it something embarrassing?
I urge that we will all show the person we love and care how much they meant to us. Trust me, you'll encounter miracles!
Say Goodbye To Those Days...
Back then, I never thought I would found a cool friend like you, younger than me and also do all sort of crazy stuff like me, and the most important thing is we are both metalheads. I was saying it to myself that what a great 3 years ahead of me. Then I found another 2 close friends, and then we get together real fast as a group. Spending our time together eat and class. I was deeply touched and secure of the strong relationship that we had.
We have so much time together for assignments, lectures, tutorials, church, cell groups and lepak time. We really talk a lot about life, studies, future, spiritual growth and also relationships. Cut it short, you and I know each others issues, our taboos and also personal stories.
I always remind you again and again that I treat you very different from the others because I take you as my own little sister and I make it clear to you by my actions. It's not that easy for me to accept some strangers into my life that I called them to be part of my family. But congrats, you have made it through. Everytime without failure, I will always reminding you, that's what friends are for, it's alright you still have me to back you up, I care you that's why I tell you this, etc..
I really can't find a word to express it out how much it hurts when this happens on me. I can't get this image out of my head, that you turn your back on me, laugh and speak to a bunch of people that you never intended to make friends with, move your sit in front just to avoid sitting with me, saying 'shit' when tutor put us together in an exercise group. I'm not angry, but merely disappointed. Not at you but me, I've deeply failed my task.
I can't even make you to stay with me as a friend. I always tell myself to get my hands of all your issues everytime I rejected by you, but still I can't do it because I've already inpart this friendship into my heart. You may think I'm busy body, or it's non of my business to care about your problems, but that's what friends suppose to be. At least it applies to me.
The moment when I treasure about this friendship it just breaks off. How much more pains and disappointment that I could bear? I have no idea. I wish everything will just turn out fine. I hope after I wake up tomorrow we will sit together at our most common mamak stall, having your teh O ais and my nasi lemak while waiting for Chelsea then we just head to class. Talking crap and music and the latest updates on our favourite metal bands.
But I guess all this will not happen again as you've already make your decision. You may be asking what's the point and message I'm trying to deliever to you, my answer is I GOT NO IDEA. I'm just trying to express my feelings.
Losing this friendship to me is just like losing a family member. Since you are looking around and mixing around with new friends, I hope that they do a much better job compare to me, and I wish you all the best that you will find someone that can look after you and best of luck in Kampar. Life will not be the same again. Best of luck. I guess that's the end of the line.
We have so much time together for assignments, lectures, tutorials, church, cell groups and lepak time. We really talk a lot about life, studies, future, spiritual growth and also relationships. Cut it short, you and I know each others issues, our taboos and also personal stories.
I always remind you again and again that I treat you very different from the others because I take you as my own little sister and I make it clear to you by my actions. It's not that easy for me to accept some strangers into my life that I called them to be part of my family. But congrats, you have made it through. Everytime without failure, I will always reminding you, that's what friends are for, it's alright you still have me to back you up, I care you that's why I tell you this, etc..
I really can't find a word to express it out how much it hurts when this happens on me. I can't get this image out of my head, that you turn your back on me, laugh and speak to a bunch of people that you never intended to make friends with, move your sit in front just to avoid sitting with me, saying 'shit' when tutor put us together in an exercise group. I'm not angry, but merely disappointed. Not at you but me, I've deeply failed my task.
I can't even make you to stay with me as a friend. I always tell myself to get my hands of all your issues everytime I rejected by you, but still I can't do it because I've already inpart this friendship into my heart. You may think I'm busy body, or it's non of my business to care about your problems, but that's what friends suppose to be. At least it applies to me.
The moment when I treasure about this friendship it just breaks off. How much more pains and disappointment that I could bear? I have no idea. I wish everything will just turn out fine. I hope after I wake up tomorrow we will sit together at our most common mamak stall, having your teh O ais and my nasi lemak while waiting for Chelsea then we just head to class. Talking crap and music and the latest updates on our favourite metal bands.
But I guess all this will not happen again as you've already make your decision. You may be asking what's the point and message I'm trying to deliever to you, my answer is I GOT NO IDEA. I'm just trying to express my feelings.
Losing this friendship to me is just like losing a family member. Since you are looking around and mixing around with new friends, I hope that they do a much better job compare to me, and I wish you all the best that you will find someone that can look after you and best of luck in Kampar. Life will not be the same again. Best of luck. I guess that's the end of the line.
-R.I.P-
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
To you~
Relationships are a bed of roses (at least it is to me back then). When it's over, it's just over and I know it's very hard to accept it because we tend to keep it in our hearts, no matter what, it's still something that very precious to us. When we are in relationship, our partner is everything, we eat less, sleep less and spend most of our time together.
When it's over, I look back and it's fun, sweet, sad, disappointment, happy, anger and all. There are no words to express my feelings. It's confusing. I love to look at her smile when she is happy, I'll do everything for her just to see a smile on her face (although it's nothing to her). I really hope my relationship will last long enough till the moment I'll go back to my Father in heaven.
Looking back at the issues that we quarrel & fight, really seems like 2 small little kid fighting for candy. We point our fingers at each other and saying bad things about each other. Small issues like, i spent not much time with her, not sacrificing for her, not willing to travel, dirty and lazy. So much more.
Back then, these issues really get on my nerves because she nag me non stop. But when it's over, she no longer nag me, she no longer complain, she no longer fight with me. Is it an end, or just another new beginning?
Now, I'm standing here, myself, feeling that it's just me against the world. Life seems to be messed up because of relationship. The funny thing here is that all those issues aren't a big deal at all because she cares. I know I cant be a good bf, leaving her is the best choice and it's the right choice.
She deserve someone better than I'm. At least now I know that I wont be a burden for her like she said.
I never understand the real meaning of this statement "If you love a person, you don't need to own her" now i know why. Looking at her having her friends with her, and people who loves and care for her beside allows me to release it peacefully.
This really something that I kept inside my heart for a long long time, I've been through counseling, scolding, advicing and so much more. But it's still inside my heart because I'm serious, just that I never expect it to end. Maybe it's just we are not meant to be together.
Love is not a bed of roses (now I finally understands it), thanks for everything that you have done for me, taking care of me, looking after me, our snoopy and so much more that we have gone through. I can never say enough thanks to you.
I still remember Pangkor, church camp (where my life start to change), your birthday party for me, lending me money when i'm not having enough, and fetching you to ICOM. All these I will never forget, and I'll keep all these in my heart forever and ever even my future partner ask me to forget it.
My best of wishes to you that may you found your partner that you looking for. God bless you. I will grow up and move on, you don't need to worry about me. ^^
Love,
Vern
When it's over, I look back and it's fun, sweet, sad, disappointment, happy, anger and all. There are no words to express my feelings. It's confusing. I love to look at her smile when she is happy, I'll do everything for her just to see a smile on her face (although it's nothing to her). I really hope my relationship will last long enough till the moment I'll go back to my Father in heaven.
Looking back at the issues that we quarrel & fight, really seems like 2 small little kid fighting for candy. We point our fingers at each other and saying bad things about each other. Small issues like, i spent not much time with her, not sacrificing for her, not willing to travel, dirty and lazy. So much more.
Back then, these issues really get on my nerves because she nag me non stop. But when it's over, she no longer nag me, she no longer complain, she no longer fight with me. Is it an end, or just another new beginning?
Now, I'm standing here, myself, feeling that it's just me against the world. Life seems to be messed up because of relationship. The funny thing here is that all those issues aren't a big deal at all because she cares. I know I cant be a good bf, leaving her is the best choice and it's the right choice.
She deserve someone better than I'm. At least now I know that I wont be a burden for her like she said.
I never understand the real meaning of this statement "If you love a person, you don't need to own her" now i know why. Looking at her having her friends with her, and people who loves and care for her beside allows me to release it peacefully.
This really something that I kept inside my heart for a long long time, I've been through counseling, scolding, advicing and so much more. But it's still inside my heart because I'm serious, just that I never expect it to end. Maybe it's just we are not meant to be together.
Love is not a bed of roses (now I finally understands it), thanks for everything that you have done for me, taking care of me, looking after me, our snoopy and so much more that we have gone through. I can never say enough thanks to you.
I still remember Pangkor, church camp (where my life start to change), your birthday party for me, lending me money when i'm not having enough, and fetching you to ICOM. All these I will never forget, and I'll keep all these in my heart forever and ever even my future partner ask me to forget it.
My best of wishes to you that may you found your partner that you looking for. God bless you. I will grow up and move on, you don't need to worry about me. ^^
Love,
Vern
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