New Journey Has Begun..

Today will be a new chapter in my life. I'm not in love don't have it wrong. So what is it?

A new beginning because that I joined A Ruthless Cleansing (ARC). Chilling out with them and knowing what is the target, goals and vision about the band excites me. They share the same visions and goals with me, wanna gigs all over M'sia, probably concerts in overseas too. Recording and apparel too!

I've much to learn about their music, though they told me it's easy, yet I'm not gonna take it easy.

Let's just put it in this way, more and more to come, it's a promise from ARC. Follow and stalk us at FB.

Ciaoz~

Maturity

The road is tough, I crashed and burned, slowly i'm trying to get up to my feet again to walk and take time to heal and recover from it, but without failure problems will always pop up and attack me again and again.

It has been months and months, you are doing things that you like and what you want. But what you want from me? You have been scolding me (although you say you are not), sending messages to me with harsh words and sentences saying that I deserve it. Months and months have passed yet you have not let me go in peace.

Relationship got no wrong or right, once done is done, I've been tolerating with you and words again and again, but you have not realize that you are repeating it again and again. You have already find a partner, do whatever you want with me but leave me out of everything.

Once you said, although break up, but still can remain friends, still can go out as usual but just pure friends. But now you are doing exactly what contradicting to your words. Since that day till now, I never spoke a word, and just accept every scolding and sabotage from you which you think I deserve it.

How can I get out of this immature one sided fight? What should I say to stop what you are trying to do? How should I show you that you are making things worse?

I'm very disappointed and sad. I'm being ignorant because to avoid all the conflict. This is the thing that you will never understand.

Boring

Another day, tired yet I'm unable to get sleep, assignments not really the main problem that stuffing my throat. Just a lot of things are playing in my mind.

What actually I wanted appear to be far away from what I expected, now seems like everything so far apart. Emotions are hard to control as things doesn't run according to the way I wanted.

I think the best way for me to do now is just to do what I'm suppose to do and stay focus. It's always easier to say than to be done. Tough stuff that is. I hate the feeling when wanted something desperately but I just can't get it. The more I want, the more I don't get it. Ish.

If only others see what I saw. If only others feel what I felt.

Forrest live a happy life even he is slow, but life seems so easy for him. How I wish that I were like him, mentally slow, naive and happy go lucky.

God knows what is the thing in my mind, I'm waiting for the answer for everything. Patience...

Why is it so?

This few days really have been a very tiring and hectic week for me, rushing for assignments, busy preparing for mid term exams, and also presentation. But my real problem is not studies, still can manage it even assignments need to redo again.

Emotional challenge, a lot of things I really wish that I never started because of all the troubles and confrontations. I'm seriously very tired because issues are repeating again and again. Looking at things that it's not pleasuring to me, I wish that I could turn back time and don't act like a kid and stupid enough to do decision without thinking properly.

But what's the point of talking about it since it's already over?

If the person is happy over the life he/she is having right now, why still bother about others? I tend to put things out of sight out of mind, it do works but not for too long, because when he/she comes back to me talking about it things just repeat again.

To *Person I'm talking about*,

Everything seems so fine,

But I do not know is it true or a lie,

I'm not bragging or complaining,

I'm just releasing my emotions,

When I stop talking,

I'm not running away,

When I stop thinking,

I'm just taking a break,

I do things on my own way,

Don't change me to what you want,

I need support and respect,

Not problem and nag.

Assignments~

This and the next 2 weeks is going to be a hectic week, assignments and mid terms, which for the best for all!

Interpersonal Communication - Midterm (Done)

Interpersonal Communication - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)

Psychology - Midterm (Done)

Psychology - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)

Radio Broadcasting - Midterm (Done)

Radio Broadcasting - Individual (Next Mon)

Radio Broadcasting - Group (Week 14)

Pengajian Malaysia - Presentation (Tomorrow)

Pengajian Malaysia - Midterm (Next Wed)

Japanese - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)

English For Communication - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)

Wow, so much more to finish up, really need to buckle up! Time to boost up everything!

Friends?

Is it that hard to have a true friend?

I know male and female are different in many terms, preference, hobby, attitude, personality and so on, but what this is really weird. Aren't true friends suppose to correct each other, confront when someone did wrong? But why always it turn out this way?

I seriously don't understand bout it, what happened today it's not misunderstanding, it's merely childish. I'm hated for not being supportive? I was backing her up all the time regardless good or bad, this is what I do for a true friend, at least I think it's a right decision.

Why am I always the one to blame when bad things happen? Everyone point their fingers at me just put the blame on me that's all. And it turns out that I always just take the blame quietly. I don't mind saying sorry to someone even I'm not wrong for the sake of friendships and relationship. Seriously, I don't.

This is not the 1st time, those who know what's going on, I can tell you, in this short period of half a year, too much of argument and damage have been done, but to me, true friendship will quarrel for sure, even fight! But once it's over, shake my hands and I'll be happy to call you as friend. Perhaps it's only applicable to me.

Why after argument never once say out "Alright, it's over, let's get over it, friends?" Am I hoping too much from her? 

I don't know what excuses can I find to make myself feel better about it. Small issue can get her yelling at me and so pissed off just drop me that look. Why? It's just a small issue, I can understand that everyone have their own problems, but leave the innocent person out of your problems, don't release your tantrum on them. Sigh.

If you can't accept and change your behavior I guess that's all for this so called "true friendship", it's because you just don't appreciate it.

*Note: If I'm the cause issues, I won't be having true friends now as you can see.

Busy day

Wow, what a busy day. Early in the morning at 8.30am get my lazy bum up and start to clean myself and prepare to go class till 4, after that rush all the way back to Setapak to have my Cg for this week. Now finally I'm home, but I'm seriously torn apart.

Today it's the day i'm gonna squeeze my brain up tight because it's Japanese class again, I'm not that superb good in it but at least still average, need more time to capture it and to apply it in my daily life. I know for sure I wont fail but I need to work hard to achieve for a better result! Hooray, I got 7.9/10 in my Japanese quiz! So happy I can make it! Gonna treat myself a better meal, after all, it's just only me to share with.

Just now in Cg, we try to throw a party or a surprise to Hiung, Liang, Jessie and Pei Pei, end up it didn't run smoothly due to the fact that I left Cg once it's over, which is something that never happen in any Cg. But we still have fun to see the happy face when they get their tiny little cup cake with candles.

May Shen who told me to throw them into the pool, so I've to obey her, I'm sorry guys. LOL! Of course I would like to see that too! And yes, I did push them into the pool! HAHA!

Now I'm home, just check around my Fb account and messages, then I'll sleep. Because I'm dead tired. Exhausted! Good Bye, Good Night world!

おやすみなさい！

真的那么差吗？

我觉得很无聊所以在这些下我的心情。我最近觉得心情满怪怪的，我有满多的功课因该很忙，可是我有很多多余时间。

这几天我想了满多事情，有些人说我有怀脾气，很容易生气，还有小气，其实我并没那样，我很随和。那天在她车上她说的事真的很伤我的心，事情都一段日子了，她也有自己的新生活她说男朋友很照顾和爱她，因该很开心，可是为什么要对我那些伤我心的话？

我人品没那么糟糕吧？虽然吵架，大家有不同的意见是很平常，可是需要时间去了解对方。我不喜欢和她讨论是因为每一次都是她有道理。我觉得满辛苦面对她。

当然感情上是有开心的时候，五年了，时间过得很快。令我最不能忘记的事情有很多，生日派对，TIOMAN岛，JOGOYA，还有很多很多。虽然一切变成过去，可是也算一场很值得的回忆。如果未来我有陪伴也无法忘记这些回忆。

可能她还会觉得我生气她，可是如果她好好跟我谈天，不要每天教训我，不成情侣也能成为好朋友的。期望如此吧。

Dilemma

Humans are fascinating, we just can't make up our mind sometimes. Why and what do I mean? 1 solid example that proves it.

When we are still schooling, we always complain about studies. We want to get out of the place and start working and earning our 1st million dollar. Finally, we graduated and make our 1st step into the society, only we realize that how precious is our schooling moments. And hope to go back where we started, too bad, we can't.

Not just about education. A lot of things in our mind stuck and seems to be nowhere out. We just can't make up our mind!!

I hate "impossible" very much. This word always bug us and tell us what we can't do or achieve even you have the greatest dreams in the world. But because of it, we doubt, we struggle and we give up. Our mind always project the negative things that can happen to us all the time, we need to learn and control it. Telling ourselves that success is just around the corner, keep it up and work on it. Keep pressing on!

I have relatives, friends and family members who smokes, A LOT. They come and told me that they never wanted to smoke as smoking is very bad for their health and they can feel the effects on them. But still they smokes, and their reason is it's IMPOSSIBLE to quit smoking as I've smoke more than 10 years. Let me put this into another situation.

When I read the newspaper and found out that girls been raped and murdered, I'm angry and I wish they rot and burn in hell. I hate their action so much and I won't accept it into my life, I'll build up a strong solid wall against it.

Same goes to smoking. If you think you hate smoking, just stop smoking. If you aren't quiting it, you just not hate it enough to stop.

Anyway, people around me always complaining their life, work sucks, hate to study, and so much more. You got no idea how many people are struggling to live, not getting any education, and not employed lead to family destruction.

So stop complaining life is not fair, because life IS not fair! Jesus never gets a chance for fair treatment from mankind anyway, so live with it. Do what you really want to, live your life to the fullest, get yourself some buddies to share your ups and downs, control your thoughts and emotions. We only got 1 life for, a glorifying ones.