Have you ever really put so much effort in someone's life and yet you get nothing in the end of the day?
In my whole life, I've been seriously investing my time and effort in their life. Time + Money + Effort = Nothing. It's really hurt to found out that the person you love and care for show no sign of understanding to it. The feeling sucks.
Relationship is really what I heavily look upon, with my parents, my friends, my relatives and my partner. It's just part of me to care about them. But sometimes, things just doesn't work out the way that we wanted or we planned for, and it's very upset to see that people come and people go. Those who I used to be with is living me 1 by 1. Used to be very closed, in the end we walk side by side as a stranger.
Just for the sake of relationship, I'm always prepare to bow down my head just to say "I'm Sorry" even I'm not at fault. I don't hold grudge as it kills me slowly deep inside. I've done what I can for this matter, how will it turn out? I don't know, and it's all up to them.
I'm sitting here all alone, thinking again and again to find out what's my fault leading to this. All I ever wanted is just someone sit beside me, listen to me, hear me talk my heart, hug me, kiss me, understands me and softly whisper "I Love You" to me. Is it really that hard?
I'm almost on the verge of giving up, my vision is blur and my heart is numb. I can barely think what am I doing this for. Only God knows why, only He know how I feel.
But in the end, I will still stay beside you if you would open up your heart for me, just a small space will do.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Happy Birthday Mommy!
Today is my mom's 56 birthday, sorry for not being able to travel back to Ipoh just to celebrate her birthday. Perhaps when I really get my car, I could give her a surprise by driving back reaching at 12am just to celebrate for her.
Looking back at all those years that my relationship with her, really give me a big shocked, how our relationship was. Fighting, arguing and the most of all, I hated her so much for being a joke in my life. I started of hating her ever since turning to secondary, blaming her for how much she didn't spend time with me. Anger at her why always complain and scold me. I even wrote a diary on 'How Much I Hate You, MOM!' I was completely out of my mind.
If wasn't the day that both of us burst of scolding and yelling at each other faces, we won't be that close today. Trust me, it was dramatic! Just like scene that you saw on movie, yelling at each other, scolding each other, telling her how much I hate her, and she yell at me how regretful for having me as a son.
Wrap it up, now we are closer than ever, and I seriously love her so much. I finally understand the pain and suffering that she went through when my father was not around. Single handed to raise 3 monkeys that is rebellious. I solute her to do so, everyone around her called her as Superwoman. To be serious, if I have to do so, I don't think I have the courage to do all these by myself.
I learnt that we have to see a bigger picture in our live. Chinese culture are conservative and we tend to put our emotions aside and play cool all the time. I though that my parents never love me, and I'm a constant joke to them.
Lucky and blessed I am to found out the truth. Mommy have a blessed birthday and year ahead, I love you!
Dear heavenly Father,
I uphold my mom and family into mighty hands, it's alright that they are not Christian as they are blinded by the truth. I will still keep them in prayers. I give thanks for putting me in this family and learning the truth. Having such a lovely mother is the best thing in life. My mom is getting older and older as year pass by, her sight is getting weaker, her back is aching, and she certainly can't work for longer hours to support the family. I pray that God open up the windows of blessing upon her for my sake. Keeping her health and safe. Speak to her through me, the way I live my life. Bonding her relationship with my father again. Let them overcome their sins and temptation. In all your ways, send Your guardian angel to look after her. I uphold her into Your mighty hands. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Looking back at all those years that my relationship with her, really give me a big shocked, how our relationship was. Fighting, arguing and the most of all, I hated her so much for being a joke in my life. I started of hating her ever since turning to secondary, blaming her for how much she didn't spend time with me. Anger at her why always complain and scold me. I even wrote a diary on 'How Much I Hate You, MOM!' I was completely out of my mind.
If wasn't the day that both of us burst of scolding and yelling at each other faces, we won't be that close today. Trust me, it was dramatic! Just like scene that you saw on movie, yelling at each other, scolding each other, telling her how much I hate her, and she yell at me how regretful for having me as a son.
Wrap it up, now we are closer than ever, and I seriously love her so much. I finally understand the pain and suffering that she went through when my father was not around. Single handed to raise 3 monkeys that is rebellious. I solute her to do so, everyone around her called her as Superwoman. To be serious, if I have to do so, I don't think I have the courage to do all these by myself.
I learnt that we have to see a bigger picture in our live. Chinese culture are conservative and we tend to put our emotions aside and play cool all the time. I though that my parents never love me, and I'm a constant joke to them.
Lucky and blessed I am to found out the truth. Mommy have a blessed birthday and year ahead, I love you!
Dear heavenly Father,
I uphold my mom and family into mighty hands, it's alright that they are not Christian as they are blinded by the truth. I will still keep them in prayers. I give thanks for putting me in this family and learning the truth. Having such a lovely mother is the best thing in life. My mom is getting older and older as year pass by, her sight is getting weaker, her back is aching, and she certainly can't work for longer hours to support the family. I pray that God open up the windows of blessing upon her for my sake. Keeping her health and safe. Speak to her through me, the way I live my life. Bonding her relationship with my father again. Let them overcome their sins and temptation. In all your ways, send Your guardian angel to look after her. I uphold her into Your mighty hands. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Serving God is never convenient
My walk of Christianity have been more than 4 years and it's on going. I'm starting my fifth years soon. I met all sort of different thinking of Christianity which really drive me nuts as well as people that really impressed me.
I've been serving God for more than 3 years, CG has been a place for me to serve God through His people. Serving as a guitarist, game leader, leading warmth and also offering challenges. Serving in CG is the best moment for me because I'm doing something great for the Lord.
We can learn a lot of things by serving together with other members, I also heard a lot of excuses from other members telling me why they can't serve and etc.
I've been serving God for more than 3 years, CG has been a place for me to serve God through His people. Serving as a guitarist, game leader, leading warmth and also offering challenges. Serving in CG is the best moment for me because I'm doing something great for the Lord.
We can learn a lot of things by serving together with other members, I also heard a lot of excuses from other members telling me why they can't serve and etc.
"Serving God is from the heart, action not so important."
"God understands, just take a break."
"I'm not holy, let those holy people to serve."
"I'm not free"
More and more excuses that I heard from them trying to avoid serving.
Serving God is never convenient, if you are feeling comfortable with what you are doing, it means that it's about time for you to move on doing something greater for God. Can you imagine if God bless you only when He is free and convenient?
Which state are you in today? Pushing yourself to do something great for God or remain on your comfort zone, doing what you are good with?
Monday, August 2, 2010
Coheed & Cambria, 1st Aug 2010
Just came back from Coheed & Cambria organized by Junk.
The whole event was not bad except for those 'security'. They sucked, cause they do not understand that moshpit happens during the concert, they stopped every 1 of them. Besides that, everything is cool. Coheed threw an awesome show even though I'm not really a fan of theirs, but overall they are tight!
Here's some pictures that I took during the show. Not much and not clear quality. Just to share.
*Opening*
That's all the pictures that I took. Was standing the whole concert, Q-up, meet and greet and stuff for more than 5 hours. 1 heck of experience (worse than Lamb Of God), but still it's worth it.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Alone
Looking at people around me getting along.
And I'm single and alone.
Things just seem to be something missing.
Hate this feeling a lot.
I can't recall the feeling of dating, or courtship.
It seems that girls that I interested end up not available.
I guess that it's just not the right time and right one for me.
So when will it be? I have no idea.
I'm not very desperate for relationship.
But I wanted care and sharing feelings to.
Am I ready? Well I just hope that start of with just friends.
I have no girls that wanted to do so.
Alone, alone and alone.
Guess that's how the way it should be.
Perhaps career is my the only things I've to pay attention.
Sigh~
And I'm single and alone.
Things just seem to be something missing.
Hate this feeling a lot.
I can't recall the feeling of dating, or courtship.
It seems that girls that I interested end up not available.
I guess that it's just not the right time and right one for me.
So when will it be? I have no idea.
I'm not very desperate for relationship.
But I wanted care and sharing feelings to.
Am I ready? Well I just hope that start of with just friends.
I have no girls that wanted to do so.
Alone, alone and alone.
Guess that's how the way it should be.
Perhaps career is my the only things I've to pay attention.
Sigh~
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Assignments~
Lots and lots of assignment this semester
It's getting heavy and heavy each semester
It used to be 1 assignment per subject
Now 5-6 assignment some certain subject
We have enough time for it
But need to work very hard
Not by just myself as well as other members
Still have 2-3 assignment yet to be done
Some not even started to discuss
All those due dates are at the end of week 13
And now week 9
4 more weeks to go
Can I finish it up?
Of cause I can and I must!
真的是得空死，不得病。
It's getting heavy and heavy each semester
It used to be 1 assignment per subject
Now 5-6 assignment some certain subject
We have enough time for it
But need to work very hard
Not by just myself as well as other members
Still have 2-3 assignment yet to be done
Some not even started to discuss
All those due dates are at the end of week 13
And now week 9
4 more weeks to go
Can I finish it up?
Of cause I can and I must!
真的是得空死，不得病。
Monday, July 26, 2010
Life is like a coin.
Life is like a coin, there are 2 sides on it. Head and tail. Which 1 would you prefer? Head or tail? But you must realize that it's still a coin.
Same to our life, we got problems, issues in our life that get our head spinning around and around. We tend to look at it as a problem that is too big for us to bear, we cried, we depressed and finally we gave up on it. We neglected the other side of the issue. No matter how bad is the situation, forever there are a good side of it that keep us moving on.
Lately I have some issue with myself, I look into it and found out that what I wanted and it turns out to be the other way round. I invested time, money and effort hoping it will bear forth fruit like what I planned. It turn out to be a seed that still 'asleep'. I tried and I tried but nothing seems to be change, it remain sleeping.
I was upset why it never grow up as according to what I planned, I was depressed too. But then again, my friends told me about it and I tried to look in a different way, to my surprised, I found out that it's the way I look at it is wrong and I can't force the seed to bear forth fruit in the wrong time. It needs time, the right time to flourish!
What I learnt today, problems is not that bad if you look in a different way, never say never. Before you judge and comment on something or someone, make sure what is the truth. Never speak out of anger and resentment, holding grudge will not help you but it hurts you even deep. Understand why the person thinks how he/she think, if it's wrong then try to talk to them. Never force them to change even it's the best for them. Let go of the string that you attached to them, allow them walk themselves even they might fall. In due time, they will learn. Stand beside with them when they fall, pull them up and walk with them again.
Same to our life, we got problems, issues in our life that get our head spinning around and around. We tend to look at it as a problem that is too big for us to bear, we cried, we depressed and finally we gave up on it. We neglected the other side of the issue. No matter how bad is the situation, forever there are a good side of it that keep us moving on.
Lately I have some issue with myself, I look into it and found out that what I wanted and it turns out to be the other way round. I invested time, money and effort hoping it will bear forth fruit like what I planned. It turn out to be a seed that still 'asleep'. I tried and I tried but nothing seems to be change, it remain sleeping.
I was upset why it never grow up as according to what I planned, I was depressed too. But then again, my friends told me about it and I tried to look in a different way, to my surprised, I found out that it's the way I look at it is wrong and I can't force the seed to bear forth fruit in the wrong time. It needs time, the right time to flourish!
What I learnt today, problems is not that bad if you look in a different way, never say never. Before you judge and comment on something or someone, make sure what is the truth. Never speak out of anger and resentment, holding grudge will not help you but it hurts you even deep. Understand why the person thinks how he/she think, if it's wrong then try to talk to them. Never force them to change even it's the best for them. Let go of the string that you attached to them, allow them walk themselves even they might fall. In due time, they will learn. Stand beside with them when they fall, pull them up and walk with them again.
Overcomer or Surrender?
Positive or Negative?
Transform or Conform?
Head or Tail?
Light or Dark?
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Blessing
This week is really really a roller coaster week for me, ups and downs is like never ending. Ok, let's start with not-so-happy problems.
Friendship has always been a thing that I really pay a lot of attention on, I have the responsibility taking care of CHC members in Utar PJ, well the main reason is because I'm the eldest member of all and should be doing that. I faced a lot of issues, friends quarrel, argument and cold war. I'm kinda used to it because friendship must go through trials and tribulation to grow more stronger. In other words, I've to take this challenge more positively. At this time, things that are not so pleasing happen, anger arouse and hurtful words began to splattering our target. It's not right but we must learn to control our mouth, it's very powerful and the words will haunt people for life.
I'm trying to be a better person, so what I can do is to take care of them, any problem I have to settle for them and looking after them in every area of their life. Can they trust me? Some does, some not. Yes, cause they're touched by the way I show my love and care for them. No, cause felt pressured by me and go against me. I felt sad and disappointed over all the commotions and false accusation on me. I've always been someone to pull them out of their darkness yet bad things happen, I was accused.
I don't really know why they would say such a thing to me, but it's all OK. Because I've my other members on my back. They know me and they will support me. That's W26. I'll overcome the problems positively!
Enough about the sad things, time for happy thoughts!
1st. Joey Lee finally get her spiritual gift! The Tongue! I'm very glad and grateful for it. Not just that, she's getting her car tomorrow! Wow, when God pour out His blessings, you don't have enough room to contain it!
2nd. Kevin, 1st time to our church and he felt the presence of God! What is more impressive is that he is a strong Buddhist! Indeed God can do all things!
3rd. W26 never been more stronger than now! We are united, we are a family, we are brothers and sisters. We always have each other on our back. Together we conquer the world!
4th. It's my turn! Mom called and thinking of getting me 2nd hand Kancil. Finally, I got myself a car soon! Yes! No more walking everyday to school, lunch, dinner and church! It's a Kancil, but still it's a blessing! That's not all, my band got our contract finally, it's just matter of time when are we going to sign it, after we do so, officially, ARC will be establish and I'm on way to pursuing my dreams.
I strongly believe that God have more blessing to pour in our life! Remember, Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship and lifestyle. I hope that God will bless you if happen that you read this! God bless you~
Friendship has always been a thing that I really pay a lot of attention on, I have the responsibility taking care of CHC members in Utar PJ, well the main reason is because I'm the eldest member of all and should be doing that. I faced a lot of issues, friends quarrel, argument and cold war. I'm kinda used to it because friendship must go through trials and tribulation to grow more stronger. In other words, I've to take this challenge more positively. At this time, things that are not so pleasing happen, anger arouse and hurtful words began to splattering our target. It's not right but we must learn to control our mouth, it's very powerful and the words will haunt people for life.
I'm trying to be a better person, so what I can do is to take care of them, any problem I have to settle for them and looking after them in every area of their life. Can they trust me? Some does, some not. Yes, cause they're touched by the way I show my love and care for them. No, cause felt pressured by me and go against me. I felt sad and disappointed over all the commotions and false accusation on me. I've always been someone to pull them out of their darkness yet bad things happen, I was accused.
I don't really know why they would say such a thing to me, but it's all OK. Because I've my other members on my back. They know me and they will support me. That's W26. I'll overcome the problems positively!
Enough about the sad things, time for happy thoughts!
1st. Joey Lee finally get her spiritual gift! The Tongue! I'm very glad and grateful for it. Not just that, she's getting her car tomorrow! Wow, when God pour out His blessings, you don't have enough room to contain it!
2nd. Kevin, 1st time to our church and he felt the presence of God! What is more impressive is that he is a strong Buddhist! Indeed God can do all things!
3rd. W26 never been more stronger than now! We are united, we are a family, we are brothers and sisters. We always have each other on our back. Together we conquer the world!
4th. It's my turn! Mom called and thinking of getting me 2nd hand Kancil. Finally, I got myself a car soon! Yes! No more walking everyday to school, lunch, dinner and church! It's a Kancil, but still it's a blessing! That's not all, my band got our contract finally, it's just matter of time when are we going to sign it, after we do so, officially, ARC will be establish and I'm on way to pursuing my dreams.
I strongly believe that God have more blessing to pour in our life! Remember, Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship and lifestyle. I hope that God will bless you if happen that you read this! God bless you~
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Memories..
I strongly believes that there are reasons that specific things happen in our life, it's to equip us to face the future. To me, life is like video game. We are brought into the world as a character that is unique and play the story that prepared by God. Just like "The Sims", we create our own image and build relationships, work, marriage & kids till old and die. That's the game.
Look more details, our life have different levels and stages. Each every level have couple of stages that we need to go through and will lead us to the next level. For example, if you can't make it through level 1- stage 1, you can never go to level 1- stage 2. Just that simple, but many of us just can't understand this fact. Even you understand, but it is not easy for you to pass a specific task.
For me, well last time it has always been family, friends and studies. But I've already done with it, I'm pretty much closer with my mom just like friends. Friends? I do have some great friends around me, someone that I can pour out my feelings and just cry in front of when I'm done. How bout studies? Oh well, that's the biggest issue of my life. Studying isn't my thing, I hate theories, I hate calculation, I hate philosophy, all I have is my common sense and that get me to where am I now.
The most hottest topic of all "BGR". I do not have partner and I don't think that I'm well prepared. Ever since the last relationship thing, disappointments, arguments, quarrels, hatred, sadness...... I kinda give up now on that, nevertheless memories stays. I've watch tons and tons of movies, I really don't get it, after break up, why that actor can't forget about the actress, but now I finally get it. MEMORIES.
I realize that, even after break up, memories remain sweet and loving. Suddenly today I browse through my pictures, I saw all those pictures that we took, laughter, smiles, hugs and kisses, it's just priceless.
It's almost a year after the break up, I guess. Looking at her always talking about how good is her bf, I do admit that I'm not happy when I listen to those but still I've wish her the best cause this is the reality. Just wondering what about me? I don't think I need any relationship, but just someone that is close enough to share my ups and downs.
The journey is tough, but if I get over it, I will be in the next level. I'll be more mature in handling my problems and relationship, hope that I won't repeat my mistakes in past relationship. I don't wanna waste another 5 more years and realize that things not working out.
I guess I won't be taking relationship seriously till I think I'm ready for it. Let's say... perhaps 28? 30? Will I get married? Seriously, I'm not sure about it, I've been doing serious thinking and not really into it, hopefully someone can change my mind. By the way, average life span of a Rock Star is expected to be 40. If I don't have a partner I guess I don't mind that's my last birthday.
It doesn't matter how old you die, as long as you had a meaningful life.
Look more details, our life have different levels and stages. Each every level have couple of stages that we need to go through and will lead us to the next level. For example, if you can't make it through level 1- stage 1, you can never go to level 1- stage 2. Just that simple, but many of us just can't understand this fact. Even you understand, but it is not easy for you to pass a specific task.
For me, well last time it has always been family, friends and studies. But I've already done with it, I'm pretty much closer with my mom just like friends. Friends? I do have some great friends around me, someone that I can pour out my feelings and just cry in front of when I'm done. How bout studies? Oh well, that's the biggest issue of my life. Studying isn't my thing, I hate theories, I hate calculation, I hate philosophy, all I have is my common sense and that get me to where am I now.
The most hottest topic of all "BGR". I do not have partner and I don't think that I'm well prepared. Ever since the last relationship thing, disappointments, arguments, quarrels, hatred, sadness...... I kinda give up now on that, nevertheless memories stays. I've watch tons and tons of movies, I really don't get it, after break up, why that actor can't forget about the actress, but now I finally get it. MEMORIES.
I realize that, even after break up, memories remain sweet and loving. Suddenly today I browse through my pictures, I saw all those pictures that we took, laughter, smiles, hugs and kisses, it's just priceless.
It's almost a year after the break up, I guess. Looking at her always talking about how good is her bf, I do admit that I'm not happy when I listen to those but still I've wish her the best cause this is the reality. Just wondering what about me? I don't think I need any relationship, but just someone that is close enough to share my ups and downs.
The journey is tough, but if I get over it, I will be in the next level. I'll be more mature in handling my problems and relationship, hope that I won't repeat my mistakes in past relationship. I don't wanna waste another 5 more years and realize that things not working out.
I guess I won't be taking relationship seriously till I think I'm ready for it. Let's say... perhaps 28? 30? Will I get married? Seriously, I'm not sure about it, I've been doing serious thinking and not really into it, hopefully someone can change my mind. By the way, average life span of a Rock Star is expected to be 40. If I don't have a partner I guess I don't mind that's my last birthday.
It doesn't matter how old you die, as long as you had a meaningful life.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
1 Malaysia= 1 Music?
A Ruthless Cleansing has been gigging around KL area for quite some time, let's not forgetting competitions as well. And just say that we got recognition by a lot of person because we are going out to the market place. Place which is open to the public and reaching out to mass audience. Of course it's not fun at all cause many times people can't accept our music as well as genre. Well I'm not saying that everything is bad, we have good feedbacks too, such as people that look up upon us and also support us! (Thanks guys!)
Coheed & Cambria is coming to KL for 1 day show on 1st Aug. Junk is the host and they are looking for an opening act for them. And so Junk requested readers to nominate the local bands that they would love to see on stage before C&C. Our fans and friends have been supporting us big time, and of course they are other people nominating other bands too, such as RAZED, A4J, LoveMeButch, and many more.
The problem is this, I don't get it why people have to sabotaging other bands to promote their own? Well you can always promoting your favorite band, but is it necessary to hate spamming? I know that it's your freedom, but it's just too childish. ARC swear to God that none of us spamming the comment box just to put ourselves on stage with C&C, not like some other bands that we know (remain secret). But we got ourself haters. This is really stupid, and know it has become Band Wars.
I support 1 Malaysia just as the same with 1 Music. Local music scenes has not been doing well ever since... Merdeka? Our local music is known to others as "cheap, no quality, bad" music, and I felt such a disgrace about it. The fact is, some of our music are really bad as in BAD, but not for all, we have good stuff too!
Talking about music, let's go deeper to my favorite genre. METAL. Local acts has been bad, what more about METAL. Our local metal band acts is not bad, we got BT, Caladrius, M.Conspiracy, Naratu, and the list go on.................. How are we going to stand out to others when there are internal conflicts of bands?
United we must stand! A Ruthless Cleansing never been sabotaging others, or defaming others. We have been accepting and making friends with everyone that we meet on the journey. But somehow we just got ourself haters. Defaming us, posting negative comment on us, making a wrong judgement.
We are here by all means just to clarify ourself, ARC never use dirty methods to get shows! 1 of our member is working for Junk, but we never have any special treatment. We separate between work and band, and we definitely have no authority at Junk. By the way, for C&C, it's up to them to choose who they felt that in line to share the stage with them, not Junk and not by spamming on the wall, and certainly not by voting!
To fans: Give every band a chance to show their talent, regardless they are established or not, listen to their materials and then only you make your own judgement.
ARC give big thanks to those who supported us all these while, and without you, there wont be us! ARC-haters, we won't back down because of all those wrong judgement and comments about us. We will work even harder to be who we are whether you like it or not.
奇怪呢。
我已经把我心里的话说了，可是有时候还是会想。
应该把东西收起来吗？
钱包也换了，已经没有看到照片了。
可是回忆不能除掉。
看她开心也应该祝福她吧。
我现在要好好的忙音乐。
如果有人行赏我，
就来找我吧。
应该把东西收起来吗？
钱包也换了，已经没有看到照片了。
可是回忆不能除掉。
看她开心也应该祝福她吧。
我现在要好好的忙音乐。
如果有人行赏我，
就来找我吧。
Friday, July 9, 2010
Life is unpredictable..
Sometimes I think that, I might be the only person who lives in a bad situation, not having the things that I should or just not fair to me. I never realize that there are people who are having much bad condition compare to me.
Today, I came across this video going to a small village in Africa. It's heartbreaking while looking at it. I know that at a certain area in Africa is not developing and rather "dead". But then this video is worse, kids there are not having proper food, nutrition, barely enough water to survive.
At the beginning of the video, when they 1st step into the village, there they saw kids lying down on the floor! Not playing with sand or doing anything but it's cause they are unable to stand up, their bones can't support their weight. What they can do is just to crawl around the place.
After watching the video, I really felt that I'm far lucky than that. At least I don't need to starve myself and I have a proper place to stay.
Thinking about going where to have your dinner? Sushi for lunch? And Starbucks for high tea? Spending Rm100 just for a dress? Complaining that you don't have enough money for yourself? Think again.. They don't even have ANY...
Today, I came across this video going to a small village in Africa. It's heartbreaking while looking at it. I know that at a certain area in Africa is not developing and rather "dead". But then this video is worse, kids there are not having proper food, nutrition, barely enough water to survive.
At the beginning of the video, when they 1st step into the village, there they saw kids lying down on the floor! Not playing with sand or doing anything but it's cause they are unable to stand up, their bones can't support their weight. What they can do is just to crawl around the place.
After watching the video, I really felt that I'm far lucky than that. At least I don't need to starve myself and I have a proper place to stay.
Thinking about going where to have your dinner? Sushi for lunch? And Starbucks for high tea? Spending Rm100 just for a dress? Complaining that you don't have enough money for yourself? Think again.. They don't even have ANY...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
PMS?
糟糕，最近发觉我的心情不稳定。
为了什么？我也不知道。
突然回想以前的事情。
真的另我很反感。
有谁能了解我的心情？
我身边有很多朋友，
可是不觉得我会告诉他们我的感觉。
最近我的乐团很忙，
功课也不停的增加。
我以为我不会再想，
其实我在骗自己。
有很多我想不开的事，
为什么有些人能很快的忘记过去，
而我不能呢？
我也想能有一个好开始。
是我在骗自己吗？
我能忘记过去吗？
为了什么？我也不知道。
突然回想以前的事情。
真的另我很反感。
有谁能了解我的心情？
我身边有很多朋友，
可是不觉得我会告诉他们我的感觉。
最近我的乐团很忙，
功课也不停的增加。
我以为我不会再想，
其实我在骗自己。
有很多我想不开的事，
为什么有些人能很快的忘记过去，
而我不能呢？
我也想能有一个好开始。
是我在骗自己吗？
我能忘记过去吗？
到底怎么了？
上课，读书，吃，喝，玩，乐，睡。
可是觉得生活好像少了一些东西。
到底是什么呢？单身是好还是坏呢？
当我觉得不开心，心事也不能随便告诉别人。
真的又累又辛苦。
有时候朋友说话伤害我们的心，
该不该告诉她呢？
我想还是别告诉她吧。
反正我俩认识不久。
跟女生交朋友有问题吗？
可能我比较热情吧，吓到她了。
我很闷啊！
可是觉得生活好像少了一些东西。
到底是什么呢？单身是好还是坏呢？
当我觉得不开心，心事也不能随便告诉别人。
真的又累又辛苦。
有时候朋友说话伤害我们的心，
该不该告诉她呢？
我想还是别告诉她吧。
反正我俩认识不久。
跟女生交朋友有问题吗？
可能我比较热情吧，吓到她了。
我很闷啊！
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Hmm...
I've been away for almost a month. Didn't feel like blogging because feel that people reading my post and felt that my secret is not safe. I'm blogging not because wanted attention from people but a space to release my feelings.
It's 1am now, I still can't sleep. Examination period now I should have study but I really don't feel like it. The more I get involve in music the more I'm carried away by it. ARC is doing quite well now, got quite a lot of positive feedback from friends. And of course thanks for their support too, without it ARC wouldn't make it far as it today.
ARC is now in the midst of designing band T. So hold on to it because soon enough you will see some incredible nice band T on streets. It's gonna be some design from professional not those pasar malam type. He is the official designer for Mayhem fest this year. So, we all expect it to be some great stuff on the way!
Anyway, back to studies, I felt so dry nowadays. Studies is getting more boring, money is always an issue. Wanna be a Rockstar and leave my studies behind. Exams exams exams.. 2 down 4 more to go. 10 days of exam war. I must survive!
Going to sleep and fight for it again tomorrow!
It's 1am now, I still can't sleep. Examination period now I should have study but I really don't feel like it. The more I get involve in music the more I'm carried away by it. ARC is doing quite well now, got quite a lot of positive feedback from friends. And of course thanks for their support too, without it ARC wouldn't make it far as it today.
ARC is now in the midst of designing band T. So hold on to it because soon enough you will see some incredible nice band T on streets. It's gonna be some design from professional not those pasar malam type. He is the official designer for Mayhem fest this year. So, we all expect it to be some great stuff on the way!
Anyway, back to studies, I felt so dry nowadays. Studies is getting more boring, money is always an issue. Wanna be a Rockstar and leave my studies behind. Exams exams exams.. 2 down 4 more to go. 10 days of exam war. I must survive!
Going to sleep and fight for it again tomorrow!
Monday, April 12, 2010
ARC made it to 2nd stage.
Just finish up Library audition and went for yumcha with them. I'm dead tired but I must blog this out, because it really bugs me deep inside.
So the story begin like this, there are lots of talented contestants, no doubt. From Jazz to Metal (ARC the only 1) and I do respect them because music is universal. My problem is with the judges, apparently only 1 faggot that I'm pissed at.
It's very funny, when we started to play, all mouth open wide, feels like none of them realize what the hell was that. To be frank, they are quite impressed of Matt's solo. But when Scott started to scream, the judges shake their heads. Right when we reached 1st Chorus, we got an 'X' by that faggot, I mean come on, the song just started and we got an 'X'??
When Matt solo-ing, they are smile on their face, and the faggot headbang. I really want to slap him.
The devil's horn is dedicated to Metal Heads! A band from UCSI played (Jazz band and they are really good) then he rise up on his feet and show everyone the devil's horn. Gosh, does he even know the meaning of the horns?
Anyway, apart from all the things I said, still we made it to the 2nd stage, and the decision now is to play heavy stuff or slow stuff. To be who we are, or what they want.
Just wait and see about that.
So the story begin like this, there are lots of talented contestants, no doubt. From Jazz to Metal (ARC the only 1) and I do respect them because music is universal. My problem is with the judges, apparently only 1 faggot that I'm pissed at.
It's very funny, when we started to play, all mouth open wide, feels like none of them realize what the hell was that. To be frank, they are quite impressed of Matt's solo. But when Scott started to scream, the judges shake their heads. Right when we reached 1st Chorus, we got an 'X' by that faggot, I mean come on, the song just started and we got an 'X'??
When Matt solo-ing, they are smile on their face, and the faggot headbang. I really want to slap him.
The devil's horn is dedicated to Metal Heads! A band from UCSI played (Jazz band and they are really good) then he rise up on his feet and show everyone the devil's horn. Gosh, does he even know the meaning of the horns?
Anyway, apart from all the things I said, still we made it to the 2nd stage, and the decision now is to play heavy stuff or slow stuff. To be who we are, or what they want.
Just wait and see about that.
Monday, April 5, 2010
SONY EXPO 2010
During these 4 days work at MidValley, it's full of ups and downs. Can't find any other words to express my feeling other than exciting.
1st day was really really tough, as everyone was new to each other, don't get to talk much and just do what I'm assigned to do which is acting. Each day I've to cheer up to 20 rounds and it's not fun at all. But the bright side, I get to know a few friends there, Faizal, Heina, Reena, Fal, beautiful Sharlyn and gorgeous Charissa. Day have gotten more and more exciting ever since.
2nd day, everyone was exhausted because of 11 hours of work per day, and things got slower than 1st day. The spirit was dead and got complaint by our clients that we are not doing our job well. As the day was filled with confusion and depression, things just got more worse that I was told that my KP (Key Personnel) was fired by the company due to some reason. I talked and requested to my new KP (Raj, Reena's Bro) that I needed half an hour earlier to leave the place as I needed to go for CHC Easter production, with God's help, it came to past somehow. Thanks God for that!
3rd day, as a result of getting early day off yesterday, I need to repay it by working extra hard and 24 hours on stand by mode. Indeed I got extra job, guarding at 3D member lane, photographer & runner, but it was still fun because I get to work in different stuff rather just keep cheering. This day was special! Because I was appeared on stage rocking the stage! I was playing Rock Band on drums with a dude name Steven (not handsome but great guitar playing), I was planing to play the guitar because no people that I know that can defeat me, yet. But he was really good so due to the time constraint I took up the drums, the song was smooth criminal by Alien Ant Farm, The whole video clip was recorded by sweet Charissa and I will upload it real soon, thanks girl. What a crazy day it was!
4th day, I keep reminding myself none stop that I've to endure this till the end, and I remind Penny the same thing and told her, you are RM520 richer now and this help us to stay through out the whole day! Was having a bad day because of some management problem, but in the end everything still run smooth so it was good! The event finally came to an end, everyone taking pictures, running around screaming and yelling at each other (in a good manner), and I took a lot of it too. I get to talked to Japanese guys on the set, trust me, they are not friendly at 1st and this fulfilled the myth that Japanese people are ignorant and proud. But once you talked to them, and if you know a bit of Japanese, they'll react in a different manner to you! Thanks UTAR for Japanese class!
They are having another event at Hilton hotel on 11-14th April, I can't work of course, if I skip anymore classes, then forget about going for finals! But still I'm glad and happy to work with them! 1 heck of an experience it was! I wish that PDQ staff, Sony staff and 3D members will be blessed by God regardless of our religion. God Bless you all! Hope to see you guys soon!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
New Journey Has Begun..
Today will be a new chapter in my life. I'm not in love don't have it wrong. So what is it?
A new beginning because that I joined A Ruthless Cleansing (ARC). Chilling out with them and knowing what is the target, goals and vision about the band excites me. They share the same visions and goals with me, wanna gigs all over M'sia, probably concerts in overseas too. Recording and apparel too!
I've much to learn about their music, though they told me it's easy, yet I'm not gonna take it easy.
Let's just put it in this way, more and more to come, it's a promise from ARC. Follow and stalk us at FB.
Ciaoz~
A new beginning because that I joined A Ruthless Cleansing (ARC). Chilling out with them and knowing what is the target, goals and vision about the band excites me. They share the same visions and goals with me, wanna gigs all over M'sia, probably concerts in overseas too. Recording and apparel too!
I've much to learn about their music, though they told me it's easy, yet I'm not gonna take it easy.
Let's just put it in this way, more and more to come, it's a promise from ARC. Follow and stalk us at FB.
Ciaoz~
Monday, March 22, 2010
Maturity
The road is tough, I crashed and burned, slowly i'm trying to get up to my feet again to walk and take time to heal and recover from it, but without failure problems will always pop up and attack me again and again.
It has been months and months, you are doing things that you like and what you want. But what you want from me? You have been scolding me (although you say you are not), sending messages to me with harsh words and sentences saying that I deserve it. Months and months have passed yet you have not let me go in peace.
Relationship got no wrong or right, once done is done, I've been tolerating with you and words again and again, but you have not realize that you are repeating it again and again. You have already find a partner, do whatever you want with me but leave me out of everything.
Once you said, although break up, but still can remain friends, still can go out as usual but just pure friends. But now you are doing exactly what contradicting to your words. Since that day till now, I never spoke a word, and just accept every scolding and sabotage from you which you think I deserve it.
How can I get out of this immature one sided fight? What should I say to stop what you are trying to do? How should I show you that you are making things worse?
I'm very disappointed and sad. I'm being ignorant because to avoid all the conflict. This is the thing that you will never understand.
It has been months and months, you are doing things that you like and what you want. But what you want from me? You have been scolding me (although you say you are not), sending messages to me with harsh words and sentences saying that I deserve it. Months and months have passed yet you have not let me go in peace.
Relationship got no wrong or right, once done is done, I've been tolerating with you and words again and again, but you have not realize that you are repeating it again and again. You have already find a partner, do whatever you want with me but leave me out of everything.
Once you said, although break up, but still can remain friends, still can go out as usual but just pure friends. But now you are doing exactly what contradicting to your words. Since that day till now, I never spoke a word, and just accept every scolding and sabotage from you which you think I deserve it.
How can I get out of this immature one sided fight? What should I say to stop what you are trying to do? How should I show you that you are making things worse?
I'm very disappointed and sad. I'm being ignorant because to avoid all the conflict. This is the thing that you will never understand.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Boring
Another day, tired yet I'm unable to get sleep, assignments not really the main problem that stuffing my throat. Just a lot of things are playing in my mind.
What actually I wanted appear to be far away from what I expected, now seems like everything so far apart. Emotions are hard to control as things doesn't run according to the way I wanted.
I think the best way for me to do now is just to do what I'm suppose to do and stay focus. It's always easier to say than to be done. Tough stuff that is. I hate the feeling when wanted something desperately but I just can't get it. The more I want, the more I don't get it. Ish.
If only others see what I saw. If only others feel what I felt.
Forrest live a happy life even he is slow, but life seems so easy for him. How I wish that I were like him, mentally slow, naive and happy go lucky.
God knows what is the thing in my mind, I'm waiting for the answer for everything. Patience...
What actually I wanted appear to be far away from what I expected, now seems like everything so far apart. Emotions are hard to control as things doesn't run according to the way I wanted.
I think the best way for me to do now is just to do what I'm suppose to do and stay focus. It's always easier to say than to be done. Tough stuff that is. I hate the feeling when wanted something desperately but I just can't get it. The more I want, the more I don't get it. Ish.
If only others see what I saw. If only others feel what I felt.
Forrest live a happy life even he is slow, but life seems so easy for him. How I wish that I were like him, mentally slow, naive and happy go lucky.
God knows what is the thing in my mind, I'm waiting for the answer for everything. Patience...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Why is it so?
This few days really have been a very tiring and hectic week for me, rushing for assignments, busy preparing for mid term exams, and also presentation. But my real problem is not studies, still can manage it even assignments need to redo again.
Emotional challenge, a lot of things I really wish that I never started because of all the troubles and confrontations. I'm seriously very tired because issues are repeating again and again. Looking at things that it's not pleasuring to me, I wish that I could turn back time and don't act like a kid and stupid enough to do decision without thinking properly.
But what's the point of talking about it since it's already over?
If the person is happy over the life he/she is having right now, why still bother about others? I tend to put things out of sight out of mind, it do works but not for too long, because when he/she comes back to me talking about it things just repeat again.
To *Person I'm talking about*,
Emotional challenge, a lot of things I really wish that I never started because of all the troubles and confrontations. I'm seriously very tired because issues are repeating again and again. Looking at things that it's not pleasuring to me, I wish that I could turn back time and don't act like a kid and stupid enough to do decision without thinking properly.
But what's the point of talking about it since it's already over?
If the person is happy over the life he/she is having right now, why still bother about others? I tend to put things out of sight out of mind, it do works but not for too long, because when he/she comes back to me talking about it things just repeat again.
To *Person I'm talking about*,
Everything seems so fine,
But I do not know is it true or a lie,
I'm not bragging or complaining,
I'm just releasing my emotions,
When I stop talking,
I'm not running away,
When I stop thinking,
I'm just taking a break,
I do things on my own way,
Don't change me to what you want,
I need support and respect,
Not problem and nag.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Assignments~
This and the next 2 weeks is going to be a hectic week, assignments and mid terms, which for the best for all!
Interpersonal Communication - Midterm (Done)
Interpersonal Communication - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)
Psychology - Midterm (Done)
Psychology - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)
Radio Broadcasting - Midterm (Done)
Radio Broadcasting - Individual (Next Mon)
Radio Broadcasting - Group (Week 14)
Pengajian Malaysia - Presentation (Tomorrow)
Pengajian Malaysia - Midterm (Next Wed)
Japanese - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)
English For Communication - Assignment (Next 2 weeks)
Wow, so much more to finish up, really need to buckle up! Time to boost up everything!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Friends?
Is it that hard to have a true friend?
I know male and female are different in many terms, preference, hobby, attitude, personality and so on, but what this is really weird. Aren't true friends suppose to correct each other, confront when someone did wrong? But why always it turn out this way?
I seriously don't understand bout it, what happened today it's not misunderstanding, it's merely childish. I'm hated for not being supportive? I was backing her up all the time regardless good or bad, this is what I do for a true friend, at least I think it's a right decision.
Why am I always the one to blame when bad things happen? Everyone point their fingers at me just put the blame on me that's all. And it turns out that I always just take the blame quietly. I don't mind saying sorry to someone even I'm not wrong for the sake of friendships and relationship. Seriously, I don't.
This is not the 1st time, those who know what's going on, I can tell you, in this short period of half a year, too much of argument and damage have been done, but to me, true friendship will quarrel for sure, even fight! But once it's over, shake my hands and I'll be happy to call you as friend. Perhaps it's only applicable to me.
Why after argument never once say out "Alright, it's over, let's get over it, friends?" Am I hoping too much from her?
I don't know what excuses can I find to make myself feel better about it. Small issue can get her yelling at me and so pissed off just drop me that look. Why? It's just a small issue, I can understand that everyone have their own problems, but leave the innocent person out of your problems, don't release your tantrum on them. Sigh.
If you can't accept and change your behavior I guess that's all for this so called "true friendship", it's because you just don't appreciate it.
*Note: If I'm the cause issues, I won't be having true friends now as you can see.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Busy day
Wow, what a busy day. Early in the morning at 8.30am get my lazy bum up and start to clean myself and prepare to go class till 4, after that rush all the way back to Setapak to have my Cg for this week. Now finally I'm home, but I'm seriously torn apart.
Today it's the day i'm gonna squeeze my brain up tight because it's Japanese class again, I'm not that superb good in it but at least still average, need more time to capture it and to apply it in my daily life. I know for sure I wont fail but I need to work hard to achieve for a better result! Hooray, I got 7.9/10 in my Japanese quiz! So happy I can make it! Gonna treat myself a better meal, after all, it's just only me to share with.
Just now in Cg, we try to throw a party or a surprise to Hiung, Liang, Jessie and Pei Pei, end up it didn't run smoothly due to the fact that I left Cg once it's over, which is something that never happen in any Cg. But we still have fun to see the happy face when they get their tiny little cup cake with candles.
May Shen who told me to throw them into the pool, so I've to obey her, I'm sorry guys. LOL! Of course I would like to see that too! And yes, I did push them into the pool! HAHA!
Now I'm home, just check around my Fb account and messages, then I'll sleep. Because I'm dead tired. Exhausted! Good Bye, Good Night world!
おやすみなさい！
Today it's the day i'm gonna squeeze my brain up tight because it's Japanese class again, I'm not that superb good in it but at least still average, need more time to capture it and to apply it in my daily life. I know for sure I wont fail but I need to work hard to achieve for a better result! Hooray, I got 7.9/10 in my Japanese quiz! So happy I can make it! Gonna treat myself a better meal, after all, it's just only me to share with.
Just now in Cg, we try to throw a party or a surprise to Hiung, Liang, Jessie and Pei Pei, end up it didn't run smoothly due to the fact that I left Cg once it's over, which is something that never happen in any Cg. But we still have fun to see the happy face when they get their tiny little cup cake with candles.
May Shen who told me to throw them into the pool, so I've to obey her, I'm sorry guys. LOL! Of course I would like to see that too! And yes, I did push them into the pool! HAHA!
Now I'm home, just check around my Fb account and messages, then I'll sleep. Because I'm dead tired. Exhausted! Good Bye, Good Night world!
おやすみなさい！
Thursday, March 4, 2010
真的那么差吗？
我觉得很无聊所以在这些下我的心情。我最近觉得心情满怪怪的，我有满多的功课因该很忙，可是我有很多多余时间。
这几天我想了满多事情，有些人说我有怀脾气，很容易生气，还有小气，其实我并没那样，我很随和。那天在她车上她说的事真的很伤我的心，事情都一段日子了，她也有自己的新生活她说男朋友很照顾和爱她，因该很开心，可是为什么要对我那些伤我心的话？
我人品没那么糟糕吧？虽然吵架，大家有不同的意见是很平常，可是需要时间去了解对方。我不喜欢和她讨论是因为每一次都是她有道理。我觉得满辛苦面对她。
当然感情上是有开心的时候，五年了，时间过得很快。令我最不能忘记的事情有很多，生日派对，TIOMAN岛，JOGOYA，还有很多很多。虽然一切变成过去，可是也算一场很值得的回忆。如果未来我有陪伴也无法忘记这些回忆。
可能她还会觉得我生气她，可是如果她好好跟我谈天，不要每天教训我，不成情侣也能成为好朋友的。期望如此吧。
这几天我想了满多事情，有些人说我有怀脾气，很容易生气，还有小气，其实我并没那样，我很随和。那天在她车上她说的事真的很伤我的心，事情都一段日子了，她也有自己的新生活她说男朋友很照顾和爱她，因该很开心，可是为什么要对我那些伤我心的话？
我人品没那么糟糕吧？虽然吵架，大家有不同的意见是很平常，可是需要时间去了解对方。我不喜欢和她讨论是因为每一次都是她有道理。我觉得满辛苦面对她。
当然感情上是有开心的时候，五年了，时间过得很快。令我最不能忘记的事情有很多，生日派对，TIOMAN岛，JOGOYA，还有很多很多。虽然一切变成过去，可是也算一场很值得的回忆。如果未来我有陪伴也无法忘记这些回忆。
可能她还会觉得我生气她，可是如果她好好跟我谈天，不要每天教训我，不成情侣也能成为好朋友的。期望如此吧。
Monday, March 1, 2010
Dilemma
Humans are fascinating, we just can't make up our mind sometimes. Why and what do I mean? 1 solid example that proves it.
When we are still schooling, we always complain about studies. We want to get out of the place and start working and earning our 1st million dollar. Finally, we graduated and make our 1st step into the society, only we realize that how precious is our schooling moments. And hope to go back where we started, too bad, we can't.
Not just about education. A lot of things in our mind stuck and seems to be nowhere out. We just can't make up our mind!!
I hate "impossible" very much. This word always bug us and tell us what we can't do or achieve even you have the greatest dreams in the world. But because of it, we doubt, we struggle and we give up. Our mind always project the negative things that can happen to us all the time, we need to learn and control it. Telling ourselves that success is just around the corner, keep it up and work on it. Keep pressing on!
I have relatives, friends and family members who smokes, A LOT. They come and told me that they never wanted to smoke as smoking is very bad for their health and they can feel the effects on them. But still they smokes, and their reason is it's IMPOSSIBLE to quit smoking as I've smoke more than 10 years. Let me put this into another situation.
When I read the newspaper and found out that girls been raped and murdered, I'm angry and I wish they rot and burn in hell. I hate their action so much and I won't accept it into my life, I'll build up a strong solid wall against it.
Same goes to smoking. If you think you hate smoking, just stop smoking. If you aren't quiting it, you just not hate it enough to stop.
Anyway, people around me always complaining their life, work sucks, hate to study, and so much more. You got no idea how many people are struggling to live, not getting any education, and not employed lead to family destruction.
So stop complaining life is not fair, because life IS not fair! Jesus never gets a chance for fair treatment from mankind anyway, so live with it. Do what you really want to, live your life to the fullest, get yourself some buddies to share your ups and downs, control your thoughts and emotions. We only got 1 life for, a glorifying ones.
When we are still schooling, we always complain about studies. We want to get out of the place and start working and earning our 1st million dollar. Finally, we graduated and make our 1st step into the society, only we realize that how precious is our schooling moments. And hope to go back where we started, too bad, we can't.
Not just about education. A lot of things in our mind stuck and seems to be nowhere out. We just can't make up our mind!!
I hate "impossible" very much. This word always bug us and tell us what we can't do or achieve even you have the greatest dreams in the world. But because of it, we doubt, we struggle and we give up. Our mind always project the negative things that can happen to us all the time, we need to learn and control it. Telling ourselves that success is just around the corner, keep it up and work on it. Keep pressing on!
I have relatives, friends and family members who smokes, A LOT. They come and told me that they never wanted to smoke as smoking is very bad for their health and they can feel the effects on them. But still they smokes, and their reason is it's IMPOSSIBLE to quit smoking as I've smoke more than 10 years. Let me put this into another situation.
When I read the newspaper and found out that girls been raped and murdered, I'm angry and I wish they rot and burn in hell. I hate their action so much and I won't accept it into my life, I'll build up a strong solid wall against it.
Same goes to smoking. If you think you hate smoking, just stop smoking. If you aren't quiting it, you just not hate it enough to stop.
Anyway, people around me always complaining their life, work sucks, hate to study, and so much more. You got no idea how many people are struggling to live, not getting any education, and not employed lead to family destruction.
So stop complaining life is not fair, because life IS not fair! Jesus never gets a chance for fair treatment from mankind anyway, so live with it. Do what you really want to, live your life to the fullest, get yourself some buddies to share your ups and downs, control your thoughts and emotions. We only got 1 life for, a glorifying ones.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Dreams
Finally back to KL and start my Uni again. Classes here and there really hectic, what I like the most is radio broadcasting so far. The most fun and exciting subject, which you get to play with the mixer, consoles and recording randoms stuff.
But that's not the point. So just went to church and it was David Oh preaching for the day. I was kinda sloppy and hesitated to go to church mainly I was on9 for too long and late. End up the next day tired and sleepy, so I didn't really pay too much expectation for the day.
I'm was wrong, once the preaching starts, I was already blown away by his sermon! I will remember this statement for sure! If people around you don't know what's your passion, you don't have one. -David Oh- This immediately blown me off!
That statement proves that what and how you project yourself to others. I'm sure that I made it so clear to everyone what's my passion and dreams. The secret to achieve your dreams is not fully hard work and talent, one day, we will reach the dead end and that's the time we have to seek God's help. Impossible is the opportunity for God's work. When everything seems dead, buckle up and knowing God's help and miracle is on their way!
Praise report for this week! Few weeks ago, prayer meeting we prayed, and Liang prayed that Penny will be blessed by her parents with a new DLSR camera. To make it more precise it's NIKON D5000, and it came to pass! She'll be getting it next week! Wow! I'm happy for her! And there's an elder in the prayer meeting prayed for me too, that my studies and assignments will turn out find, passing with flying colors and open heaven on me, now I'm really really excited for it to come to pass.
Without faith, Christianity is nothing. The sick man have so much faith to just touch Jesus' clothing and then he will be cure from sickness and disease, and Jesus' turn to him and said 'Your faith had made you well'. Again, Faith is the answer.
I have dreams, I have goals and I have visions, I must keep the faith and finish the race. I don't pray for more strength to move on but faith to increase.
Remember, Destiny Is Not A Goal, It's A Journey.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Blaming Game
I did a lot of stupid stuff and mistakes in my life and I wish that I've never done it. But it's too late to stop or change it, what I can do is just to learn from my mistakes. Do not blame or point fingers on other people, instead analyse the situation and solve the problems.
But there are also certain people that will never admit on what they have said or done wrong. In fact, standing on his/her ground and to start finding reasons to blame.
I'm learning from mistakes but that's not enough, we need to apologize to the person (it's hard, especially for Chinese dudes like me). Love requires both parties' understanding, love, forgiveness, etc.. So if your partner trying to make a move to start a conversation after an arguement, just relax and solve the problems, do not hold grudge or resentment, it adds no benefit unto it.
In another word, please do not quarrel for the sake of quarreling, after all, what's the point of winning a fight yet losing your love ones.
I've took many years to understand the art of forgiveness and patience, to be frank, knowing it and doing it is very different. And I'm very far from achieving it, but I'll keep reminding myself of all the mistakes that have brought me here.
Without you, I won't understanding the importance of communication. If there is a medicine that can cure the blaming game, I would call it "C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N".
Friday, January 29, 2010
There will always be sun shine after the storm.
When things turn upside down, doesn't go the way you want, didn't meet our goals, the whole world turning against us, keep in mind, there will always be sun shine after the storm!
It's already few days over the dramas, when the least I expected, miracle happens. It's not by how good I can speak to a person but how sincere I'm towards them. My efforts paid off!
I always believe that friendship is something that we held on tight to our heart and it shall bear forth fruits! Even roses have torns, it's beautiful yet dangerous. Friendship is like a rose, when we 1st meet up and friendship just flourish and everything seems to be well, but without you knowing it, you'll get yourself hurt if accidentally touch its' torns.
Today, I experience the different side of friendship, did something that I never thought I would. Being honest, pouring out our feelings and talk to each other, nothing fishy or agenda but purely feelings, we made it clear that none of us take this friendship lightly.
What kept us wondering around in the wilderness which is the mind of conservative, especially Asians like us. Keeping our feelings and hiding it from everyone, trying to act like we are fine but we are not. Americans showed their love to their partner openly so that he/she knows about it. Why must Asians hide it? Is it something embarrassing?
I urge that we will all show the person we love and care how much they meant to us. Trust me, you'll encounter miracles!
It's already few days over the dramas, when the least I expected, miracle happens. It's not by how good I can speak to a person but how sincere I'm towards them. My efforts paid off!
I always believe that friendship is something that we held on tight to our heart and it shall bear forth fruits! Even roses have torns, it's beautiful yet dangerous. Friendship is like a rose, when we 1st meet up and friendship just flourish and everything seems to be well, but without you knowing it, you'll get yourself hurt if accidentally touch its' torns.
Today, I experience the different side of friendship, did something that I never thought I would. Being honest, pouring out our feelings and talk to each other, nothing fishy or agenda but purely feelings, we made it clear that none of us take this friendship lightly.
What kept us wondering around in the wilderness which is the mind of conservative, especially Asians like us. Keeping our feelings and hiding it from everyone, trying to act like we are fine but we are not. Americans showed their love to their partner openly so that he/she knows about it. Why must Asians hide it? Is it something embarrassing?
I urge that we will all show the person we love and care how much they meant to us. Trust me, you'll encounter miracles!
Say Goodbye To Those Days...
Back then, I never thought I would found a cool friend like you, younger than me and also do all sort of crazy stuff like me, and the most important thing is we are both metalheads. I was saying it to myself that what a great 3 years ahead of me. Then I found another 2 close friends, and then we get together real fast as a group. Spending our time together eat and class. I was deeply touched and secure of the strong relationship that we had.
We have so much time together for assignments, lectures, tutorials, church, cell groups and lepak time. We really talk a lot about life, studies, future, spiritual growth and also relationships. Cut it short, you and I know each others issues, our taboos and also personal stories.
I always remind you again and again that I treat you very different from the others because I take you as my own little sister and I make it clear to you by my actions. It's not that easy for me to accept some strangers into my life that I called them to be part of my family. But congrats, you have made it through. Everytime without failure, I will always reminding you, that's what friends are for, it's alright you still have me to back you up, I care you that's why I tell you this, etc..
I really can't find a word to express it out how much it hurts when this happens on me. I can't get this image out of my head, that you turn your back on me, laugh and speak to a bunch of people that you never intended to make friends with, move your sit in front just to avoid sitting with me, saying 'shit' when tutor put us together in an exercise group. I'm not angry, but merely disappointed. Not at you but me, I've deeply failed my task.
I can't even make you to stay with me as a friend. I always tell myself to get my hands of all your issues everytime I rejected by you, but still I can't do it because I've already inpart this friendship into my heart. You may think I'm busy body, or it's non of my business to care about your problems, but that's what friends suppose to be. At least it applies to me.
The moment when I treasure about this friendship it just breaks off. How much more pains and disappointment that I could bear? I have no idea. I wish everything will just turn out fine. I hope after I wake up tomorrow we will sit together at our most common mamak stall, having your teh O ais and my nasi lemak while waiting for Chelsea then we just head to class. Talking crap and music and the latest updates on our favourite metal bands.
But I guess all this will not happen again as you've already make your decision. You may be asking what's the point and message I'm trying to deliever to you, my answer is I GOT NO IDEA. I'm just trying to express my feelings.
Losing this friendship to me is just like losing a family member. Since you are looking around and mixing around with new friends, I hope that they do a much better job compare to me, and I wish you all the best that you will find someone that can look after you and best of luck in Kampar. Life will not be the same again. Best of luck. I guess that's the end of the line.
We have so much time together for assignments, lectures, tutorials, church, cell groups and lepak time. We really talk a lot about life, studies, future, spiritual growth and also relationships. Cut it short, you and I know each others issues, our taboos and also personal stories.
I always remind you again and again that I treat you very different from the others because I take you as my own little sister and I make it clear to you by my actions. It's not that easy for me to accept some strangers into my life that I called them to be part of my family. But congrats, you have made it through. Everytime without failure, I will always reminding you, that's what friends are for, it's alright you still have me to back you up, I care you that's why I tell you this, etc..
I really can't find a word to express it out how much it hurts when this happens on me. I can't get this image out of my head, that you turn your back on me, laugh and speak to a bunch of people that you never intended to make friends with, move your sit in front just to avoid sitting with me, saying 'shit' when tutor put us together in an exercise group. I'm not angry, but merely disappointed. Not at you but me, I've deeply failed my task.
I can't even make you to stay with me as a friend. I always tell myself to get my hands of all your issues everytime I rejected by you, but still I can't do it because I've already inpart this friendship into my heart. You may think I'm busy body, or it's non of my business to care about your problems, but that's what friends suppose to be. At least it applies to me.
The moment when I treasure about this friendship it just breaks off. How much more pains and disappointment that I could bear? I have no idea. I wish everything will just turn out fine. I hope after I wake up tomorrow we will sit together at our most common mamak stall, having your teh O ais and my nasi lemak while waiting for Chelsea then we just head to class. Talking crap and music and the latest updates on our favourite metal bands.
But I guess all this will not happen again as you've already make your decision. You may be asking what's the point and message I'm trying to deliever to you, my answer is I GOT NO IDEA. I'm just trying to express my feelings.
Losing this friendship to me is just like losing a family member. Since you are looking around and mixing around with new friends, I hope that they do a much better job compare to me, and I wish you all the best that you will find someone that can look after you and best of luck in Kampar. Life will not be the same again. Best of luck. I guess that's the end of the line.
-R.I.P-
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
To you~
Relationships are a bed of roses (at least it is to me back then). When it's over, it's just over and I know it's very hard to accept it because we tend to keep it in our hearts, no matter what, it's still something that very precious to us. When we are in relationship, our partner is everything, we eat less, sleep less and spend most of our time together.
When it's over, I look back and it's fun, sweet, sad, disappointment, happy, anger and all. There are no words to express my feelings. It's confusing. I love to look at her smile when she is happy, I'll do everything for her just to see a smile on her face (although it's nothing to her). I really hope my relationship will last long enough till the moment I'll go back to my Father in heaven.
Looking back at the issues that we quarrel & fight, really seems like 2 small little kid fighting for candy. We point our fingers at each other and saying bad things about each other. Small issues like, i spent not much time with her, not sacrificing for her, not willing to travel, dirty and lazy. So much more.
Back then, these issues really get on my nerves because she nag me non stop. But when it's over, she no longer nag me, she no longer complain, she no longer fight with me. Is it an end, or just another new beginning?
Now, I'm standing here, myself, feeling that it's just me against the world. Life seems to be messed up because of relationship. The funny thing here is that all those issues aren't a big deal at all because she cares. I know I cant be a good bf, leaving her is the best choice and it's the right choice.
She deserve someone better than I'm. At least now I know that I wont be a burden for her like she said.
I never understand the real meaning of this statement "If you love a person, you don't need to own her" now i know why. Looking at her having her friends with her, and people who loves and care for her beside allows me to release it peacefully.
This really something that I kept inside my heart for a long long time, I've been through counseling, scolding, advicing and so much more. But it's still inside my heart because I'm serious, just that I never expect it to end. Maybe it's just we are not meant to be together.
Love is not a bed of roses (now I finally understands it), thanks for everything that you have done for me, taking care of me, looking after me, our snoopy and so much more that we have gone through. I can never say enough thanks to you.
I still remember Pangkor, church camp (where my life start to change), your birthday party for me, lending me money when i'm not having enough, and fetching you to ICOM. All these I will never forget, and I'll keep all these in my heart forever and ever even my future partner ask me to forget it.
My best of wishes to you that may you found your partner that you looking for. God bless you. I will grow up and move on, you don't need to worry about me. ^^
Love,
Vern
When it's over, I look back and it's fun, sweet, sad, disappointment, happy, anger and all. There are no words to express my feelings. It's confusing. I love to look at her smile when she is happy, I'll do everything for her just to see a smile on her face (although it's nothing to her). I really hope my relationship will last long enough till the moment I'll go back to my Father in heaven.
Looking back at the issues that we quarrel & fight, really seems like 2 small little kid fighting for candy. We point our fingers at each other and saying bad things about each other. Small issues like, i spent not much time with her, not sacrificing for her, not willing to travel, dirty and lazy. So much more.
Back then, these issues really get on my nerves because she nag me non stop. But when it's over, she no longer nag me, she no longer complain, she no longer fight with me. Is it an end, or just another new beginning?
Now, I'm standing here, myself, feeling that it's just me against the world. Life seems to be messed up because of relationship. The funny thing here is that all those issues aren't a big deal at all because she cares. I know I cant be a good bf, leaving her is the best choice and it's the right choice.
She deserve someone better than I'm. At least now I know that I wont be a burden for her like she said.
I never understand the real meaning of this statement "If you love a person, you don't need to own her" now i know why. Looking at her having her friends with her, and people who loves and care for her beside allows me to release it peacefully.
This really something that I kept inside my heart for a long long time, I've been through counseling, scolding, advicing and so much more. But it's still inside my heart because I'm serious, just that I never expect it to end. Maybe it's just we are not meant to be together.
Love is not a bed of roses (now I finally understands it), thanks for everything that you have done for me, taking care of me, looking after me, our snoopy and so much more that we have gone through. I can never say enough thanks to you.
I still remember Pangkor, church camp (where my life start to change), your birthday party for me, lending me money when i'm not having enough, and fetching you to ICOM. All these I will never forget, and I'll keep all these in my heart forever and ever even my future partner ask me to forget it.
My best of wishes to you that may you found your partner that you looking for. God bless you. I will grow up and move on, you don't need to worry about me. ^^
Love,
Vern
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